For 15 years, Petek Tatli, lived with a rare and agonising condition that made it too painful for her to have sex.
The 38-year-old would deliberately date men she found unattractive and didn’t lose her virginity until she was 30.
Petek suffered from vaginismus, which causes the vaginal muscles to suddenly tighten when any penetration is attempted and can be painful and extremely distressing.
She explained: “When I look back, I just didn’t want to be a woman. I didn’t want to feel my sexuality, I didn’t want any man into my life who I was sexually attracted to.
“My vaginismus was pretty extreme. I was not even able to finish reading the word vaginismus or even look at the examination seat in clinics because I would end up bent double, feeling extreme contractions, not only in the muscles around my vagina but throughout my entire body.”
However, when she completely transformed her life and re-trained as a yoga insutructor, Petek found he condition dramatically improved.
Then, just after she turned 30, she had sex for the first time and is now happily in a long-term relationship with her partner, Johanne, 37.
Petek, who lives in Istanbul, Turkey, has now set up a support group helping women with the condition, both in the UK and all around the world.
She said: “I am telling my story to reach out to all those women with vaginismus, to break down the taboos and the barriers.
“I believe every woman living with this challenging condition can overcome it, just as I did.”
Petek first became aware of the condition in her late teens and though she had two long-term partners, she could not have penetrative sex.
She said: “Neither of them made a big deal out of it, we had intimacy and they accepted it. But I didn’t feel a strong physical attraction to these men; it was as though I was trying to side-step the issue.
“But as time went on, I felt very lonely. I couldn’t even read about vaginismus without experiencing strong contractions right through my body.
“My doctors kept telling me it was all going to be alright, but what I needed most was support. I confided in my mum and best friend, but I needed to hear it from women who had recovered from it themselves.
“I was struggling with my thought processes too; I was a highly judgemental person and beat myself up a lot, feeling constantly like a failure, like I was not enough, I was broken. I felt like I was not even a woman.
“I was constantly getting depressed.”
But then in 2009 Petek started practising yoga and meditation – and it proved to be a real turning point.
She said: “When I began training to be a yoga instructor, I started to get to know myself more for what felt like the first time.
“I began a new relationship with my body, becoming much more aware of my thought patterns, especially as I practiced meditation more.
“So my perspective of vaginismus started to change gradually as well. I realised that I didn’t have to live with the condition.”
And when she turned 30, Petek plucked up the courage to visit a clinic specialising in vaginismus therapy and she also saw a psychotherapist.
She said: “After a while, I found I could insert a large dilator. The realisation that I was making progress was empowering. I decided to travel and get out of my comfort zone for a bit.”
Petek attended a series of retreats and met a new partner – and had sex.
She said: “My first penetrative sex was unbelievable, after all those years I had been in fear. I literally felt no pain at all.