Why are married people even thinking of involving a third party in their sexual activities?
When you hear the word threesome, does the image of a married couple and an outsider tangling bodies and rubbing sweaty flesh leap to your mind?
If your answer to that is no, some will say it’s likely because you are so outdated, and restricted in your outlook of modern marriages and sexuality; the spectrum of which has broadened so dramatically between the ages when previous generations tried it and what we have now in 2019.
Consider, for example, the rumoured scandal involving American celebrity wife and husband, Teyana Taylor and Iman Shumpert.
Reportedly, the two had actually had a threesome with porn star Alby Rydes and Iman had actually gotten her pregnant somehow.
Teyana has quickly moved to snuff out the rumours with a Twitter post which in which she says her husband would never do that out of fear that she’d “kill” her.
Her husband and the alleged third party has also denied all claims of any pregnancy happening as a result of any threesome they had.
The idea that any couple, let alone a married one, would allow another person in to partake of their sex sessions does not sound foreign or alien to many. It does even sound pleasant to the ears. There was even one time on Twitter Nigeria when a couple was accused of trying to get a third party to join them in fulfilling their fantasy for a ménage à trois.
However, as outdated as anyone may try to make you feel, threesomes are not for married people [or anyone in any relationship for that matter]. Not in my estimation.
About threesomes
On the pretence that there is an adult reading this who does not know what a threesome is: it’s an occasion on which three people engage in sexual activity together.
For many who grew up being Nigerian, and being taught the sanctity of marriage and the one-man-one-woman nature of the institution, the very idea of a threesome is automatically repulsive as it negates all that marriage stands for in your mind.
But let’s for a second divert our attention away from what the agents of socialization drummed in our young, impressionable consciousness, shall we? Sex is good only when it is explored to all the healthy limits within a marriage.
The extent of sexual fantasies
It has been said that quite a number of people fantasize about threesomes, especially men, many of whom dream in vivid colours about having sex with more than one woman at once.
I’ll be the first to admit that I have no qualms with fantasies. As a matter of fact, I have no qualms with a lot of non-conventional sexual things in marriages
I’m a firm believer in doing all it takes to keep the sex in your marriage as fun as exciting as possible through the years because of the downward spiral that the death of your sex life triggers.
So if having fantasies is your way of keeping things locked down in the sack, then, by all means, role-play your way to all the satisfaction you need.
It could lead to unfavourable comparisons and tension in the relationship.
Use toys if you must; memorise all the Kamasutra books in the world till you become a god of sex positions if that’s how you want to go about it.
Engage in every form of sexual activity so far you and your partner are comfortable with them.
But that’s as far as you can go. Everything is to be done only with your partner! Bringing in a third party is too much of open-mindedness, and the likely troubles it causes further make it an unsavoury course.
Imagine never being able to make your wife orgasm and inviting another man for a threesome only for him to expertly make it happen repeatedly while you watch in confusion and deflated ego at what he’s effortlessly doing to your woman.
If you choose to invite another woman to join you and your husband for a threesome, she may know how to work your man than you; and his face as he enjoys her masterful touches and erotic dance may never stop haunting you.
You may never be able to unsee the satisfaction he felt with that other woman, even when the act has long been concluded.
Adding a third party could be a recipe for disaster if both parties aren’t prepared for the possible consequences – attraction could set in, your partner may enjoy the other person’s sex more than yours which in turn could trigger jealousy, self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy, etc.
Emotional ties could be created as one partner may keep in touch; and the sex in your marriage may never be the same again. Afterall, once you go black, you never want to go back, right?
Sex is literally the one thing you get to share with your husband or wife only. The logic behind opening up your door to permit another join your partner and you for a threesome is one thing this writer may never be able to wrap his head around.
While everyone is allowed to explore their sexuality and keep an open mind when it comes to sexual satisfaction in their marriages, I still believe everything should be done with one’s partner only.
One partner per time.