Bad sex is prevalent, and in most cases, couples can overcome these sexual obstacles if they’re dealt with early on.
It is where communication is important again. Ask if your partner enjoyed it, what they liked, and what they might not have liked. If they’re not on the same page, be complimentary but try suggesting something different for next time.
Sexual compatibility is not always something that happens right off the bat. Many media outlets will tell you that being intimate with someone is the finale of your growth with them.
That it’s the “home run” after you’ve hit all the other bases. But it’s actually just the beginning.
Here are some steps you can take if your first time wasn’t as magical as you expected it to be.
- Keep practising
Having sex for the second time when you’ve acknowledged that the first time wasn’t great, will be nerve-wracking. The pressure is on. But those nerves can really help.
They’re showing that you’re excited and invested. Every piece of sex advice ever written tells you to spend a long time on foreplay, that’s because it’s so important.
The longer the build-up, the more you want each other and the better the sex will be.
- Communicate what you want
Every (good) partner will want to please you, so why not help them do it?
Giving direction and guidance and including compliments along the way. Tell your partner you like what they’re doing or what you would love for them to do.
If something feels good, tell them. And again, if you don’t feel comfortable being verbal during sex, use non-verbal cues.
Guide their hand or reposition their body to show them what you want. Just keep in mind that if you try this and they continue resisting, you may need to speak up and say something.
- Manage the expectations
When we walk into a new sexual experience with heightened expectations and fantasies about that person, it can lead to an inevitable letdown when the sex is not exactly how we pictured it would be.
Avoid this common mistake by talking to your partner before you have sex. “Ask your partner what they define as intimacy, what they like, and what they don’t like.
A huge factor in post-sex anxiety is the two people having different expectations for the outcome.
While it can be tempting to jump right in, you’ll save yourself a lot of stress if you know each other’s expectations were going into it.
Is it just a hookup? Is it a romantic relationship? Are you friends with benefits? There’s no right or wrong answer as long as you’re both on the same page.
- Assess the situation afterwards
If, after the act, you still feel like the sex was not enjoyable, evaluate why. What could have made it better? Did you feel nervous or stuck in your head? Did your partner seem nervous? This is where communication is important again.
Ask if your partner enjoyed it, what they liked, and what they might not have liked. If they’re not on the same page, be complimentary but try suggesting something different for next time.