Dear Bukky,
I have been married for four months now but just observing that I am not sexually attracted to my wife. I like her for a lot of other things like her good character and attitude. She is very ambitious and career-driven with a high level of spirituality but the sexual aspect is really lacking and somehow I feel tempted to cheat on her which is also against my spirituality.
I cannot divorce her because of sex as there is always solution. I have also observed that her exposure to ladies sexuality is also lacking and when I tell her about improving her sexuality, it’s either she accuses me of comparison or she tells me that her spirituality cannot sustain that, thus leading to several arguments.
I am tired of that and sometimes I masturbate beside her leading to cheating tendencies.
Dear reader,
I think it is such a big deal to not be sexually attracted to one’s spouse, especially in a situation like yours where you would rather not be divorced.
As much as character and a good work ethic and industriousness is good in a partner, the need for them to meet your sexual needs is also very huge and as you may have noticed already, resentment and a lot of friction will always arise in a relationship where partners are struggling with the sexual spark in their relationship.
Because you have tried to communicate so many times to no avail, I think the next best thing to do now is to involve a third party. I would normally not advise couples to get external influence in their relationship, but at this stage, especially after all your communication attempts have been futile, a third party’s intervention is exactly what you need.
If there’s someone your wife and you respect so much, someone who you can trust to keep private business private, that’s who you should involve in this. If you can afford a marriage counsellor and your wife would be willing to go for the sessions, you should do that. But I sincerely doubt that. So I would suggest that you get one of those respectable close people and open up to them.
I need to emphasise again that you need to be double sure that the person you are opening up to is respectable, trustworthy and can be sure to help and not make the situation worse.
Good luck to you and your wife.