Why death? What kind of death should do us part? The phrase “Till death do us part,” traditionally used in wedding vows to signify a lifelong commitment between spouses, reflects the idea that the marriage bond is intended to last until one of the partners passes away.
This phrase underscores the seriousness and permanence of the marital commitment.
When people hear that someone is in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, especially when lives are at stake, their first question is, “Why don’t they leave?” If you’ve never been through an abusive relationship, this type of response might seem reasonable. Just throw the deuces up and move on with your life.
But for Christians and believers in the Bible, 1 Corinthians chapter 7, verses 10 and 11 state clearly that a person can only remarry after their partner dies. But the question is, would you rather die a natural death or die for marriage?
Rita’s story will amaze you and leave you with many questions begging for answers….
He told me, “You are on your own; you have no money and, when it comes down to it, no one is going to help you.” My low self-esteem contributed to my staying. I had struggled with low self-esteem and self-worth from childhood. I endured domestic abuse for over 15 years. The situation finally imploded when we were living abroad. I have four children and knew I had to get out when he threatened their well-being. Life and people had taught me that a skinny, dark-skinned girl was ugly and worth less than others.
Over time, I started to believe this lie. When I went into early adulthood as an 18- or 19-year-old, I aimed to find someone to love me and make me feel valuable. I did not realize I could only attract someone who believed what I already thought about myself.
When he started calling me names and hitting me, I just figured it was a part of the process of love. Besides, from early childhood, I had seen women beaten by men who said they loved them.
Although it was an unhealthy relationship, I was afraid to let go. I was also convinced that no one else would want me. I thought he was my only chance at love. Although the “love” he gave was not always lovely, in my mind, it was something.
Staying in an abusive marriage is a deeply personal and multifaceted decision often influenced by fear, financial dependency, emotional ties, and societal expectations.
Abuse in marriages has become alarmingly widespread, with both men and women suffering severe consequences, including physical harm, psychological trauma, and, in extreme cases, loss of life. Often, the abusive behavior may initially seem like love and passion but reveals itself as toxic and manipulative over time.
Abuse is not limited to physical violence; emotional abuse and manipulation are far more common and can be just as damaging. These forms of abuse are harder to recognize and even more difficult to break free from, often trapping individuals in a cycle of trauma.
Both men and women can fall victim to such behavior, and the realization often comes after marriage, when leaving can seem impossible due to various constraints.
Many people stay in abusive marriages for the sake of their children, believing that maintaining a two-parent household is beneficial. However, the environment in which children are raised is crucial. Exposure to abuse, even if they are not directly harmed, can have lasting negative effects on their emotional and psychological well-being.
Single parenting is undeniably challenging, involving juggling multiple roles and responsibilities. Creating a safe, stable, and loving environment is essential for healthy child development despite these challenges.
Financial dependency is another significant barrier, as victims fear they will not be able to support themselves or their children without their partner’s income.
The lack of financial resources can make leaving seem impossible. However, there are resources available, such as child support, alimony, government assistance programs, and local support organizations, which can provide some relief and help individuals build independent lives.
Additionally, societal attitudes and misconceptions about abuse can also prevent individuals from recognizing their situation or seeking help. The stigma associated with divorce or leaving a spouse can lead to feelings of shame and failure, further discouraging victims from taking action.
Cultural and religious norms that emphasize the sanctity of marriage can create additional barriers, making individuals feel obligated to stay despite the harm they are enduring.
Misconceptions about abuse, such as the belief that it only involves physical violence or is a private matter, can prevent individuals from recognizing they are in an abusive relationship.
Narcissistic behavior, habitual substance abuse, and personality traits that lead to abusive behavior often become apparent after marriage. People tend to overlook red flags during dating and courtship, only to face the harsh reality once the initial feelings fade.
Society also plays a role in why many men do not voice that they are being abused. The fear of being ostracized or not being taken seriously can silence them, trapping them in harmful situations.
Abusive marriages are not gender-biased; they happen to both men and women.
Ultimately, leaving an abusive relationship is a difficult and deeply personal decision.
Each survivor’s situation is unique, and it’s crucial to weigh the pros and cons, seek professional advice, and prioritize the safety and well-being of both themselves and their children. Support systems, empathy, and accessible resources are vital in helping individuals leave abusive relationships and rebuild their lives.
By fostering a culture of understanding and compassion, we can help those in abusive marriages find the strength to seek a better, safer future. Everyone deserves to live with dignity, love, and respect, free from abuse.
Will you die for love, marriage, or will you die for God? Till death do us part…?
The writer, Carolyn Tetteh, is a social media executive at Adom FM.
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