- Key to a happy relationship
What matters most in a relationship? Perhaps we need the perfect balance of love, trust, and communication, or something more. Whatever may be the ingredients behind a successful relationship, what makes it work is when both the partners are happy. Now, it’s not easy to find a magic solution for a happy relationship. However, a few researchers have found one skill, which they believe, can be the key to a happy relationship.
- The research
Researchers from three universities—Stanford, Berkeley and Stanford University—analyzed the data collected from a 13-year study, where middle-aged and older couples shared inputs from across 13 years.
- How the research was conducted
The researchers gave the couples 15 minutes to discuss a problem that troubles their relationship and then recorded their conversation. Later, each partner was asked to watch the video and rate the moment when they felt they were talking under the influence of negative emotions. Whenever they talked about the problems, there were traces of negative emotions like anger, a rise in the tone of their voice etc.
- The skill
After the extensive study, the researchers found that if the couples developed the skill to check negative emotions and anger, they had higher chances of having a happy relationship.
- Importance of emotion regulation
Emotion regulation, according to the researchers, plays an important role in maintaining a healthy and happy relationship, especially for women. After analyzing the data, it was found that women, who knew how to control their negative emotions and behaviors, reported having higher marital satisfaction over the years.
- How negative emotions affect relationships
Whenever a person has any kind of negative emotional experience (like betrayal, infidelity or a fight) in a relationship, they develop self-protective emotional instincts. As a result, the person may start perceiving a partner as a threat to their emotional health and happiness and as a self-preservative measure, he or she might develop defensive or critical behavior. For example: whenever there are negative emotions, we have this instinct to prove a partner wrong, whether it is in a fight or argument, instead of looking for a solution. This will result in an unhappy relationship.
- Expert opinion
According to relationship experts, when we harbor negative emotions, it prevents us from thinking logically. Anger and fights are common in any relationship but when we try to compete with a partner to prove a point instead of trying to find a solution, this is when a relationship turns complicated. Controlling negative emotions and anger is important for both partners if they want to make the relationship work.
- How to control negative emotions and anger
We agree that it’s not easy to control something as instinctive as anger and negative emotions. But half the battle is won when you make an attempt to do so. A great way to check yourself from harboring negative emotions and pent-up anger is by practicing mindfulness. Another approach can be the ‘10-second rule’—whenever you are angry at your partner, take deep breaths and count from 1 to 10 as you exhale. When you do that your nerves will calm down slowly and you would overcome the urge to act impulsively, which might adversely affect your relationship. Only when the partners involved are happy, then only the relationship can be satisfying and long-lasting.