You’re in a relationship with a guy. You’re falling for him and then… he cheats. You’re hurt and you’re devastated.
You confront him about it and he comes up with an explanation. He’ll never do it again.
It was a one-night thing that just happened. He couldn’t control himself. She was an ex; she was in town; she knew the right buttons to push.
It doesn’t matter how many excuses he comes up with, they are all going to be male-based creativity.
He’s going to try to sell you back into the relationship and sell you back into this never happening again.
But here’s the thing: did you pre-qualify him? Did you find out about his relationship history? Did you even ask him if he’s ever cheated before?
Here are the 2 reasons people cheat over and over again:
1. We cheat because we don’t get what we need emotionally in a relationship, and we don’t have the guts to go and break up that relationship
So then we cheat because we’re too afraid it’s going to hurt the other person, or we’re too afraid to leave a relationship.
2. We cheat because it’s like a sport and we enjoy it
It’s in our history. We like to have a relationship and love to have a girlfriend, but cheating is fun because we don’t get caught.
We probably used to steal things at the toy and party store when we were growing up. We probably liked to go into the grocery store and steal a loaf of bread, even though our mom gave us money for it.
Cheating is fun, and chronic cheaters will always blame other people for their cheating. But in reality, they do it because they enjoy it. So what you need to do when you’re dating a man is to pre-qualify his history. You need to literally ask him if he cheats and listen to what his answers are.
If he’s blaming all the relationships, then chances are he is just a cheater. If he cheated once, he probably did it just one time because he was emotionally hurt and distressed.
And if you buy his story (and it’s a real story), and he’s looking you straight in the eyes when he tells you why he cheated, then he’s somebody who probably did it because he wasn’t happy.
A cheater who cheats regularly won’t even look you in the eyes when he tells you why he cheated.
He’s going to look all over the place because he doesn’t really believe the story he’s telling you. If his story is really slick and well thought-out, he’s probably a chronic cheater. It’s all about eye contact.
Look, I’ve cheated on somebody before. I’m going to give you my reason right here: I wasn’t really happy. I wasn’t that attracted to her. I didn’t feel the desire with her. I didn’t feel a lot of things that I really wanted in that relationship, and I never should have cheated on her; I should have broken up with her. I should have not cheated, and when I tell that story to somebody that I’m dating, I tell the truth. I told the truth that I was being a coward and I didn’t break up with her. I tell the truth that I knew all along she couldn’t satisfy me.
And she’s not the only one that I’ve ever cheated on. Every time I meet a friend of mine who’s a chronic cheater, he’s always got a reason behind it. But, the real reason he always gives his male friends is that he’s just not a monogamous guy, and guys like that are not honest. They get involved in a relationship but they’re not honest with their feelings. They’re not honest with anything.
So you’ve really got to really judge someone’s past and their history, and you’ve got to ask the tough questions. You’ve got to ask them if they believe in monogamy. You’ve got to ask them if they enjoy sleeping with other women, but you must do it so you can trick him. You’ve got to tell him that you’re open and really want to have an open relationship because the cheater will be caught in his own trap.
By telling him that you really want to have an open relationship, even if you don’t, he’s going to think he’s finally met the girl that’s going to allow him to bring other women into the relationship, other women to cheat with. And then, watch him blabber.
Watch him talk, then look at him and say, “I was just kidding. I don’t actually want that, I just wanted to find out what you really want.” Then you’ll know.