It all began when her partner started exhibiting unusual sleeping patterns, prompting Animwaa to become suspicious.

Determined to uncover the truth, she decided to pay him an unannounced visit after bidding each other farewell for the day.

Upon arriving at his residence, she found the gate locked from inside.

Undeterred, she boldly scaled the wall to gain entry. Using her resourcefulness, she managed to access the house through the back gate and skillfully picked the locks to his room.

To her dismay, Animwaa discovered her partner in the company of another woman, bringing an abrupt end to their relationship.

Animwaa’s revelation sparked a wave of similar accounts from other women, underscoring the importance of ensuring the fidelity of one’s partner and not being complacent in matters of the heart.

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A person who loves you can cheat on you. If you look up love and loyalty in the dictionary, you will see that they have different meanings.

Love is defined as “an intense feeling of deep affection,” while loyalty is “a strong feeling of support or allegiance.” They are not synonyms for each other. The society we live in today makes cheating easier. Here’s how:

People spend their singleness sleeping around and find it difficult to settle down

Before, sex was sacred and was to be reserved for marriage, but now many people spend their singleness pursuing sex with different people. The desire doesn’t get magically removed upon marriage (without serious self-control).

Many people are out of practice with exercising restraint; they have spent years of their lives jumping in bed with different people, and they realise that when they get married, the only thing that has changed is that they have a permanent house guest.

Sex has been separated from love

If you have been single for a long time, you will realise that many people have sex with people they have no atom of feelings for. People can sleep with people they don’t even like. They can sleep with someone and never call them back again.

So many people love their spouses but want to keep having no-strings-attached sex with people they have no romantic feelings for. They say, “It’s just sex; I don’t love them.”

Social media makes hooking up easy

From Instagram to Snapchat to Twitter to WhatsApp, men and women, even married ones and those in relationships, are busy looking at sexy pictures of other people, chatting with them constantly, and developing feelings for these people.

Plus, people can send racy videos and even have sexually charged conversations with others while married or dating. Some of them keep to their phones, but in most cases, they organise a physical meet-up to engage in their fantasies.

People lack contentment and self-control

Having a partner can get boring and less exciting. You might get tired of them and start to crave attention from others, but that doesn’t mean you want to lose them.

So, you have other flings outside them to fill up your need for excitement. This all stems from a lack of contentment and self-control. Love doesn’t automatically stop people from cheating, self control does.

Long distance

Long-distance marriages and relationships are not easy. The fact that you miss your partner might make you seek others to fill in the ‘gap’. Even though you love them, you feel lonely and crave human touch.

In conclusion, cheating is a betrayal of trust but it’s not the absence of love.

My ex-husband and I have been divorced for five years and I’m currently living with my partner.

My ex is still single, although I know he has no problem finding dates and has had a couple of short-term relationships.

My dilemma is, I bumped into him a couple of weeks ago and we arranged to go for a drink to catch up, and then ended up in bed together.

One of the reasons we broke up was because our sex life was non-existent, but when we slept together recently, it was exciting and passionate, and very satisfying for a change.

This has really messed my head up.

I feel guilty for cheating on my partner, but the sex with my ex was so much better than it is with him.

Please help!

Coleen says

Hmm, this is sex for old time’s sake, bringing up memories of when things were good.

It’s familiar but forbidden, so it’s exciting. But that’s all it is.

If you love your partner, work on that relationship and get the spark back.

Don’t let your sex life fall by the wayside, so you end up in the same position you were in with your ex-husband.

Putting what you’ve done aside for a moment, think back to why you got divorced and all the other rubbish things that happened.

Chances are, they would all happen again once you got used to each other and the initial excitement wore off.

If sex isn’t great with your partner, sort it out.

Think about what would have to change to make it exciting again.

As for feeling guilty, of course, you will, you’ve cheated!

There’s no magic fix for it I’m afraid.

I cheated once many years ago, couldn’t bear the guilt, saw how much hurt it caused and vowed I’d never do it again.

Confront issues in your relationship before you get to the point of sleeping with someone else.

I was married previously for only two years to a guy who basically cheated on me throughout our marriage with the same person – she was even at our wedding and I found out later that he’d even texted her on our honeymoon.

So, naturally, I’m wary of marriage again because I just associate it with crushing humiliation.

Back to my current relationship and my partner and I were at our friend’s wedding a few weeks ago, and it all came out when everyone was drunk that my partner has a very colourful history with women. That’s putting it mildly.

There were lots of stories about his antics, from cheating on his girlfriend with her cousin to wild stag dos and one-night stands. I was horrified, as I didn’t know any of this stuff.

It’s now making me wonder whether he’ll revert to type and if I can trust him. I’m also worried I have a habit of choosing the wrong men!

I do love him and he’s been great for me – he’s also a fantastic father – but the doubts are biting at me. What do you think?

Coleen says

Why would you know this stuff? It sounds like it was a long time before you got together and that he was a lot younger.

Also, when you get together with a partner past a certain age, most people have a tale or two to tell! But the key thing is, it’s in the past and he’s never given you any reason to doubt him.

I really believe you have to trust a person until they let you down.

I think what’s going on here is that you’ve been traumatised by what happened with your ex-husband, which is no surprise.

It sounds awful and you’ve done well to move on from that and make a happy life for yourself. But don’t let that relationship spoil this one.

Your partner is not your ex. Of course, the things that happen to us in relationships affect how we behave in subsequent relationships, but the important thing is to be aware of it.

Try to work out how much of your fear is to do with your partner and how much of it is to do with what’s happened in your own life.

Talk to him about it, but don’t let suspicion and paranoia overwhelm you and ruin what you have.

Good luck.