Arriving early on a date is a promising, positive sign that most would appreciate in a partner.
But when that date is happening in the bedroom at sex o’clock, that’s the last thing you want.
Whether he finishes quickly on occasion (after, say, a long week apart) or does so Every. Single. Time, you’re not a bad person for wanting to help him last longer in bed.
To be fair, the average duration of penetrative sex is estimated to be in the range of three to six minutes, says Jessica OReilly, PhD, host of the @SexWithDrJess Podcast.
So, if your partner is in that range, they technically have a normal capacity for P-in-the-V sex. Still, if you (or both of you) aren’t walking away satisfied, that’s a problem. Luckily, it’s one that can be addressed.
Since you probably want to take care of this problem, like, now, I won’t hold you up any longer. Here’s exactly what you can do to help your guy last longer in bed, so you can both reach the finish line.
Before having sex, make masturbation part of your foreplay. “Tell him you want him to watch you touch yourself, he will love it,” says Emily Morse, PhD, host of the podcast Sex With Emily.
Plus, it will help you get a head start and close the orgasm gap so that you’re both on the same page once you’re having sex.
Cock rings go around the base of his penis, usually around the shaft, testicles, or both, OReilly says. They add pressure to the base of his penis, restricting blood flow.
That can then delay his orgasm, helping him to last longer.
Not to mention, sex toys are always a good idea.
Have your guy pull out when things start to get intense for him, then squeeze the head of his penis, suggests sex therapist Debra Laino, who has a doctorate in human sexuality.
You don’t have to do it really hard, but just before he feels like he’s going to come, take a pause, and firmly put pressure on the shaft of his penis with your thumb and forefinger. The squeezing can help delay ejaculation, so you two can keep at it longer.
I know, I know: No one wants to use a condom, especially when you don’t need to worry about STIs or unwanted pregnancy with a monogamous partner.
But actually, in this case, you might: Condoms create an extra layer of separation between his penis and your vagina, so the fleshy sensation of penetration isn’t quite as intense.
This can delay his orgasm just long enough to help you get yours and you can always have him pull out and remove it at the last second before climax if you both so wish.
Speaking of ditching condoms…does the pull-out method work?
Most guys know when they’re about to orgasm (dear g-d, I hope so), so have yours switch positions when he feels like he’s getting close, OReilly says.
You might even be able to tell what’s up and take charge: You can usually feel your partners’ testicles tightening and lifting more significantly as he approaches orgasm, she says.
When a man has an orgasm, he has two sets of contractions with each contraction an average of 0.8 seconds apart from the other, OReilly says.
Moving at this pace, or faster, and with a predictable rhythm can cause him to orgasm, so slowing down or changing up the rhythm can potentially delay his release.
You might have to experiment here to see what works best for your guy. (Morse suggests trying moves like girl on top, which will help you control the pace.) Change things up a bit and talk about what he likes to reach a happy medium.
No one says you have to go hard and fast the whole time, so put little stops and starts into the mix, Laino says. While having sex, have the man pull out and kiss a bit, essentially calming down the excitement, she says. This actually brings a much longer experience, which breeds deeper intimacy.
Fun fact: These aren’t just for you! Men can do pelvic-floor work, too, and it can make a big difference in the bedroom.
One Swedish study published in 2014 found that men who did a few months of pelvic-floor exercises were able to improve their ability to control premature ejaculation. (To be clear, each of the men in the study suffered from lifelong PE issues.)
Whether or not your guy deals with that, encourage him to do some daily exercises while he’s sitting at his desk at work. (He basically just has to squeeze the muscles between his tailbone and genitals.)
It could make a big difference, OReilly says. If nothing else, it can’t hurt.
Just because he finishes doesn’t mean you have to, points out Rachel Needle, PsyD, a sex therapist and licensed psychologist at the Center for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida. Laino agrees.
Sex doesn’t have to stop at an orgasm, she says. If the afterplay keeps going, it is likely he will get another erection and last a little bit longer the second or third time.
As for you? It’s totally possible to score multiple orgasms in a single sesh now that you’ve gotten him to last longer, might as well make that your next project…