I found her at a workshop and fell in love with her. Her eloquence and poise had the best of me so I went to her after the first session and introduced myself to her; ”I liked the way you spoke. You sounded like you have more insight than the resource persons.” She smiled shyly and introduced herself to me too. From that day, we became friends who talked on the phone for several hours a day. She didn’t live anywhere closer to me but her office was a little bit closer to where I lived. One evening after work I managed to meet her. That was when I proposed. She said, “It’s too soon to fall in love. Yeah, you’re such a kind man but can you give me some time? A little time to think about things. Is that ok?”
The following Friday, she called me. “Do you mind if I come over?” I responded, “Why not? It would be my pressure to have you here.” She came with a bag that looked like she was coming to stay for a week. I asked jovially, “I’m glad you’ve decided to spend the weekend with me.” She said, “I will be here until tomorrow. Does that qualify to be a whole weekend?” She didn’t tell me she was going to sleep over until I asked that question. I said in my head, “That’s all. You don’t have to say anything. If you can spend a night with me then what else do I need as evidence that you’ve accepted my proposal?”.
While she was busy going around fixing food for us, I was busy thinking of how wonderful the night would be when we finally switch off the light. Around 11pm, she asked me, “Do you have a duvet or any thick cloth I can spread on the carpet and sleep?” I responded, “I have a big bed. Why sleep on the floor when I can share the bed with you?” She said, “No it’s not the right thing to do. Remember I haven’t accepted your proposal yet. We need to take things slowly. Tonight, I will sleep here in the hall. Just be peaceful in your bed. When the time is right, I will join you there.”
I woke up around 7am to see her washing. No, she wasn’t washing my clothes. She was washing her own clothes. I was like, “Oh so all those things in the bag were dirty clothes?” She answered, “Yeah I knew I was going to spend the best part of my Saturday with you so why not bring my laundry along and do it while I’m with you?” She sat there and washed everything of hers. I thought she was going to ask for mine but she didn’t ask. After that, she prepared a meal for us and we ate. When she went to bathe, she cleaned the bathhouse for me and refilled the water she used to wash. It was around 4pm when she said she was leaving.
On Monday after work, she called, “Do you have any place you will go this evening?” I answered, “No I don’t.” Around 6:30pm, she knocked on my door and entered. She came with food which we ate together. After we finished eating, she went to the bathroom and bathed. She dressed up in a different dress and told me she was leaving. “I thought you were going to spend the night here?” She answered, ”No that’s not the idea. How do I spend the night with you on a Monday evening? Don’t worry. Friday night will come very soon.”
This continued for over a month. She will come to my place after work, eat, bathe and go home. On Friday evenings, she will come with a bag that looked like she was going to spend forever at my place. Saturday morning, she will wash everything in the bag, cook, and leave in the evening. At some point, I told her, “You’ve been here too many times to know who I really am. You come here unannounced. You spend the night here without pre informing me. You know me now so what do you say? Is it a yes to my proposal?” She sighed. She answered, “I want to say yes to you but there’s this little voice in my head who keeps saying no. I don’t know what the issue is but I will risk it and say yes to you. I trust you’ll be a good man. Don’t let me down.”
So she started sharing my bed with me. The only issue was that I wasn’t allowed to touch or fondle. She had rules for everything and everything was pegged to a certain time. For instance, she avoided kissing me because, in her tradition, a first kiss shouldn’t happen at the request of the man. “The woman has to make the move and she will make the move only when you give her enough security and comfort. I want to believe that it’s only a kiss that you want and nothing else.” The first kiss lasted for three seconds or less. I wasn’t allowed to touch or hold any part of her skin while kissing. So many rules but because I loved her, I still stayed with her.
She knew everything about me but I didn’t know where she lived. Each time I brought up the topic, She gave me an excuse. “I’m living with my cousin at the moment. She’s here for a course. When she’s done, she’ll go back home so I can have the whole space to myself. I want you around only when she’s gone. The way things are in the room currently, I don’t want you to see it.” We dated for five months and I still didn’t know where she lived. But she came to my place every evening after work, bathed, cooked, and later went to her house. On Friday night, she’ll come with that big bag and wash everything in it the next morning. Even when she said yes to my proposal, she still didn’t wash for me. She only washed for herself.
I started growing suspicious, “What kind of girl is that? She won’t take me home and won’t let me see any family of hers yet she’s always here with me doing whatever pleases her. What if she’s a ghost?” I went to her workplace unannounced one day and she was pleased to see me. “I like it when you do things like this. Surprise me. Just appear out of nowhere and shock the boredom out of me.”
No matter how hard I tried, she didn’t let me see her house. We had dated for six months and I still didn’t know where she was living. She didn’t allow sex and didn’t allow physical touches. We could kiss in a split of a second and she’ll withdraw and tell me it’s ok. My suspicious mind asked me to be snoopy. So one day, I tasked a guy in the neighborhood to follow her around until he sees where she lives. One day he came back with a result. He said, “She had entered that same house thrice. I believe she lives there.” He took me to the place, showed me the house and I went there. I knew she wasn’t there but I went in to ask about her. The woman pointed at her door and said, “Knock and see if she is inside but I doubt she’s there though.”
I knew why she couldn’t take me home. Maybe she thought the house was way below her class or something. The next day I told her, “I know where you live now. Don’t worry, whenever you’re ready, ask me to come over and I will come.” she didn’t believe me. She asked me to describe the house and I intentionally gave the wrong details. She laughed. “Go there and look for me and see if you’ll find me there. I’ve told you to be patient. Stop looking for what’s not there. I will hold your hand and take you home when my cousin leaves.”
So that night, I gained access to her phone. All I wanted to know was a little bit about her. How she lived her life, who were her friends? Who was her family and why she was hiding things from me? I went through her messages with the guys. A lot of them were chasing her but it looked like she didn’t have time for them. She was keeping them close but also being careful about them. I went through a chat with a lady she had named, “Philippa.” From the way the conversation was going, I realized that girl was the one she talked to on everything. I kept reading until I found a portion that was meant for me. The girl asked, “Is Johnson still pursuing you?” She answered, “Yeah, but I didn’t accept his proposal. We are just friends and he has accepted it. So I go to him after work, poo and have my shower and go away. On weekends, I go there to wash and come back home.”
Philippa: “Is he aware that you have a boyfriend?”
Girlfriend: “No he is not aware. He still has hopes of getting me so I don’t want to tell him anything. By the time he realizes, I will be getting married.”
So the long and short of it all was that she was using me to solve her problem. The house she lived in didn’t have running water. They were using the public toilet but that felt low for her, hence coming to my house to do those things before going home. Apart from that, she had a serious boyfriend abroad. As to why the guy hadn’t sent her money to rent a better place, I didn’t know.
After knowing all that, I started pulling away from her. When she came to my house unannounced, I told her I was expecting some visitors so she couldn’t sleepover. She got the drift when the excuses became rampant. She asked, “You don’t like me again, do you?” I asked, “Have you ever liked me?” She swore heaven and earth that she did like me. I told her everything I read on her phone and even gave a perfect description of her house. I said, “If it’s water you want to bath, you didn’t have to go that far. If you were looking for a place to poo, you only had to tell me and I would’ve given you my toilet keys. You didn’t have to pretend.”
She came carrying her laundry that night. She couldn’t even look at my face. She said, “I was only lying to my friend but it seems you took it seriously.” I asked, “What about your boyfriend? Is it also a lie?” She said, “Forget it…” and walked away with her bag full of laundry. She never called again and I never did.
The last time I checked, she had blocked my line on WhatsApp. It didn’t bother me. After all, there was nothing to fight for. I’ve seen people in a relationship for many reasons but to be in a relationship just because of water and a place to poo is a new record for me. I don’t think any woman can match that. They will be in a relationship for everything but definitely not because of a place to wash and poo.