You hear a lot of mixed reviews about marriage. Some couples say it didn’t make a difference to their relationship at all. Others (maybe the ones who aren’t the best suited to each other?) say it ruins the relationship and sucks all the fun out of it. Here, 11 newlyweds explain how making it official has changed how they feel about each other – for better, or worse.
1. “It hasn’t changed”
“I’ve been married 10 months now, and my experience has been the same. People love to ask how married life is and I’m always responding, ‘the same as it was prior to being married!’ My husband and I already lived together, so I think that is probably a factor.”
2. “There’s less anxiety”
“So much less anxiety and insecurity. Everyone treating us as husband and wife really changed things for us. We feel more grown up, and think more long term. We influence each other, and are more accepting of each other’s influence.”
3. “I feel more secure”
“Our day-to-day life hasn’t changed. I’m really happy about that. Emotionally, marriage improved my life a lot. I feel a lot more secure in our relationship and freak out less if I feel I’ve made a ‘mistake’. I don’t automatically jump to thinking that we’ll split up. Big decisions are much different, though that could be a result of age more than marriage. We always try to be on the same page, and we typically have a long-term view of most things. Where do we picture our life going? Are we making choices to make that happen? Overall it’s been a positive experience for me. Celebrating our first anniversary this July.”
4. “Sex is better”
“Will hit three years this summer. We’re more comfortable with each other. Comfortable just sitting next to each other doing our own thing. I’m less clingy, more relaxed. We’ve been through quite a few tough things in our almost three years of marriage, and it has really pulled us closer together. Our communication has improved, and along with it our expectations have shifted. Sex is better because we’re more in sync with each other. Overall, it’s been a good shift.”
5. “We’re more respectful of each other”
“Married five months. It’s changed in the way we address each other. Both of us are off N. Indian descent, and we discovered that after the wedding both of us started referring to and talking to each other in a more formal/respectful way when we were speaking in Punjabi. Funny thing is, its only in Punjabi. 90% of our communication is in English, which still consists of calling each other random names and insults all day.”
6. “Our social lives are different”
“Married two years. I think it’s changed, but mostly for the better. We’ve distanced ourselves from social scenes we no longer find enjoyable or appropriate. I have groups of friends who love to go out Saturday nights, which we’re willing to do in the winter, but in the summer we have an unofficial rule that we don’t go out past 10 PM. We want to enjoy the day while we can in more relaxed ways – hiking, swimming, camping, day trips, etc. We’ll go back to partying and binge drinking in the winter when there’s straight up less to do.”
7. “He’s acting more grownup”
“First wedding anniversary next month, been together 4.5 years. I guess the only thing it’s really changed is he’s started acting more… adult? He hasn’t lost his silly/childish side that I love, but we graduated uni and then got married. So I think the two life events at the same time made him think more about what he wants to do in life, rather than more go with the flow like he was in university. As for me, I think kind of the opposite happened. We’re partners in life now, so it makes me feel like I can relax more and rely on him when I need to. We balance each other out a lot.”
8. “People take our same-sex relationship more seriously now”
“Married nearly two years, and honestly so far it’s got better. At least I think so. My wife is awesome, and I love her so much. Whilst it was never a constant and relentless problem, we’ve both had some relatives who were not super supportive of us being in a same-sex relationship. Yet getting married has sort of legitimised our relationship in their eyes. It’s taken some stress off us, and allowed us to be more happy.”
9. “We’re more fulfilled and purposeful”
“We’ve both excelled in our careers making life a lot easier in most ways. Purchased a home, have a child and one on the way. Our free time is less, and our ‘fun’ has changed… however we both feel more fulfilled, purposeful and trusting of one another. The ‘married with kids and a home to take care of’ lifestyle is one we wanted, so that makes this easier. We spend less time together and often pass out at 9.30 pm (wake up at 4am-ish). No time to tire of one another!”
10. “It’s made me want to be better”
“Married eight months. The more we’re together, the better we understand each other, and the more in love we are. I think we’ve both changed a little, but in good ways. Having someone as your partner makes you want to be better, and gives you the support you need.”
11. “Our love is stronger”
“Kind of expected it to change (for the worse) as that’s what our married siblings say, but we’ve also been together for a long time. Our love for one another is stronger, and everything is still the same – if not better. The upside is being able to take his last name officially, and a nice piece of paper.”