I recently got engaged to a guy I’ve been dating for nine months after meeting online.
The thing is, my parents and even some of my friends are being miserable about it.
I’ve been married before, when I was 21, and at the time everyone said we were too young and it wouldn’t last, and they turned out to be right.
We divorced when we were 24 and I can see now that we weren’t right for each other.
I’m 26 now and my parents think I haven’t been with my boyfriend long enough to think about marriage and that I’m about to make the same mistake all over again.
However, I know in my heart he’s the one and have no doubts at all.
I should be really happy and enjoying planning the wedding, but how can I when the people I love aren’t behind me?
I don’t know how to convince them that this is the right thing to do.
I love my boyfriend so much and we have tons of things in common.
I feel bad for him, too, because he’s done nothing wrong and it’s not his fault my first marriage was a mistake.
Please help!
Coleen says
Well, I actually think I’d be feeling like your parents and it wouldn’t be about your fiancé, who I’m sure is lovely.
But you’re 26 with a (recent) divorce behind you, and you’ve only been with him for nine months. What’s the big rush?
If he truly is the one, why not wait a couple of years or so and enjoy the engagement – you’ll still only be 28.
So, I wouldn’t be saying he’s not the one and that’s probably not what your parents are saying either. I’d be saying just take your time.
During the first year of a relationship, you could run down the aisle with anyone because that first year is fabulous.
So, just ask yourself why you’re rushing into it. What difference will marriage make?
It’s almost as if you see it as a security blanket, but you’ve learned that it isn’t and that it doesn’t guarantee anything.
The relationship can still end. Your parents probably just want you to take a breath – it’s not a sprint to the finish line!
Having said that, you’re your own person and you’ve proved that by getting married the first time.
You have to make your own choices and sometimes you’ll make mistakes.
But I think it’s reasonable for them to be concerned and not 100% on board. Talk to them and hear them out.