Question: Hi! I am 28 years men. I was in a relationship with a girl for about 3 years. She is 2 years older than me. We worked for the same company for a year and that’s how we met and later fell in love. After that, I left the country for better job opportunities. Our long-distance relationship was going smoothly until her parents forced her to marry someone else, which resulted in our breakup.
I went through depression for about six months after that. Slowly and gradually, I overcome it and was leading a normal life until she called me during this lockdown and said she is regretting her decision to leave me and desperately wants to get back to me.
I really loved her and she too loved me selflessly. But now she is a wife and the mother of a 1-year-old son. My family will never allow me to marry her and I really love her, also the love and same old spark came back strongly. Now I am very confused and don’t want to get involved in her life again. But I can’t say this to her, because it will really hurt her and don’t want to hurt her. Please help me. What should I do? —By Anonymous
Response by Kamna Chhibber: There are two aspects to what you are going through. The first is the emotional pull towards a relationship that you knew to be lovely and wonderful and full of love with all the memories that you cherish. The second is the pragmatic aspect of how do you and more importantly she make this work.
It is easy to fall into a position where you are questioning and attempting to figure if you can make this work and convince your family. But please do keep in mind that all of this would be in vain and absolutely futile if she is not able to step out of her marriage with or without her child. Also what you need to keep in mind is that these uncertain times can be triggering for many and in such uncertainty the emotions can be running very strongly. Making any decision yourself or even by her in this scenario may not be the most prudent. And it would be advisable to wait for the resumption of routines, life and socializing, whenever that may be to determine whether the pull to be together continues to be as strong. If it is so even afterwards then the ball would first be in her court to figure separation and determine what she can do with her marriage and only thereafter once you see things actually moving on that front may it be advisable to take next steps vis a vis your family and making changes to your way of living.