I’ve been with my partner for a few years and we have a daughter together, but we’re not married.
I was married previously for only two years to a guy who basically cheated on me throughout our marriage with the same person – she was even at our wedding and I found out later that he’d even texted her on our honeymoon.
So, naturally, I’m wary of marriage again because I just associate it with crushing humiliation.
Back to my current relationship and my partner and I were at our friend’s wedding a few weeks ago, and it all came out when everyone was drunk that my partner has a very colourful history with women. That’s putting it mildly.
There were lots of stories about his antics, from cheating on his girlfriend with her cousin to wild stag dos and one-night stands. I was horrified, as I didn’t know any of this stuff.
It’s now making me wonder whether he’ll revert to type and if I can trust him. I’m also worried I have a habit of choosing the wrong men!
I do love him and he’s been great for me – he’s also a fantastic father – but the doubts are biting at me. What do you think?
Coleen says
Why would you know this stuff? It sounds like it was a long time before you got together and that he was a lot younger.
Also, when you get together with a partner past a certain age, most people have a tale or two to tell! But the key thing is, it’s in the past and he’s never given you any reason to doubt him.
I really believe you have to trust a person until they let you down.
I think what’s going on here is that you’ve been traumatised by what happened with your ex-husband, which is no surprise.
It sounds awful and you’ve done well to move on from that and make a happy life for yourself. But don’t let that relationship spoil this one.
Your partner is not your ex. Of course, the things that happen to us in relationships affect how we behave in subsequent relationships, but the important thing is to be aware of it.
Try to work out how much of your fear is to do with your partner and how much of it is to do with what’s happened in your own life.
Talk to him about it, but don’t let suspicion and paranoia overwhelm you and ruin what you have.
Good luck.