Dear Coleen,
My husband is having sex with prostitutes – young women who are probably younger than his own daughters. I have confronted him and he says I’m being “stupid” and denies it.
However, in the next breath, he says that even if did have sex with these women it wouldn’t be like having an affair and it isn’t cheating, it’s just sex!
How deluded is he? How can he even believe this?
We have always had a good sex life, although he’s had his moments of not being able to perform, which is OK – it happens and I’ve never been anything but supportive. However, the more he sleeps with these girls, the more I turn away from him. Every time he does it, it breaks another piece of my heart.
I do everything for him and I’m always trying to make his life easier. He’ll sometimes ask why I’m not as loving and attentive as I used to be and says he loves me with all his heart.
However, I look at him now and think what a perverted old man he’s become. He makes my skin crawl.
So, please tell me – is it cheating?
Coleen says
Of course it’s cheating! First of all, you seem to have proof that he’s sleeping with sex workers, yet he’s still denying it. So, I think you have to tell him
how you know, so he can’t wriggle his way out of it and just accuse you of being “stupid”.
He has a very warped sense of sex and relationships if he thinks this doesn’t count as cheating. Yes, it’s “just sex” for these women because they’re getting paid for it – it’s a job. He, on the other hand, is married and he’s lying to you – it’s not like you had a discussion and you gave him permission to have sex with other women.
He may not be emotionally attached to these girls, as he might be to someone he’s having an affair with, but he’s cheating sexually, he could be putting your health at risk and he’s definitely damaging your relationship.
This situation is also very damaging for your self-esteem, especially as you’ve been so supportive to him.
I think it’s just about finding the confidence to confront him and to tell him you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who has that attitude.
You deserve so much better.