Dear Coleen,
I have a really nice friend whose husband is a total d***head! I don’t know what she sees in him.
He’s charming, I suppose, but I can see through the charm and I know he’s a selfish narcissist with a wandering eye.
It’s common knowledge locally that he’s been sleeping with a younger woman off and on for a while and my friend knows nothing about it.
However, pretty much everyone else knows and I’m sure it’ll get back to her at some point.
I haven’t told her so far because I didn’t want to hurt her and I kept hoping the rumours would die down and her husband would come to his senses.
Plus, I don’t actually have any hard evidence – I’ve never seen him with this woman, for example. I feel so angry with him. Any advice on what I should do? Should I tell her?
Coleen says
Well the messenger usually gets shot. It’s a horrible situation to be in because you know you’ll probably blow up her life or it might even end your friendship. And, as you say, you don’t actually have any evidence. Personally speaking, I would want my friends to tell me if they thought a partner was up to something.
I think you should try speaking to him first. Explain that you know about this affair and so does everyone else, so the chances of it getting back to his wife are pretty high.
Advise him that the news would be better coming from him than from you or anyone else, then leave him to think about it and hopefully he’ll act on it.
If your friend asks you afterwards if you knew, you can explain you’d heard rumours so you spoke to her husband and advised him to do the right thing.