I never thought I would fall in love with an abuser. I thought if an abuser walked into my life, I would know. But, I didn’t.
I never knew how quickly it can happen. How easy it is to fall victim to abuse. This is my story.
I met him at work. We started dating about 5 months after I started at the organization and about 2 months after we met in person.
He proposed to me, and I left him shortly after that. I never looked back.
Here are just some of the things he did to me in our relationship.
Maybe after reading this, you’ll be more aware of what to watch out for, and what isn’t normal.
By the second week of our relationship, he cheated on me with his ex.
As a peace offering and a show of remorse in an attempt to make reparations, he said, “I’ll turn on my GPS Find Friends so that you’ll know where I am all the times.”
A week later I said, “I’ll turn mine on too because I care about you and I have nothing to hide.”
One day, he called my desk phone at work asking where I was, “I’m at my desk. You…… just….called……me.”
He replied, “But the GPS says you’re at TGI Fridays.”
I thought he was going to get me microchipped next.
I thought to myself, that’ll fix him.
iPhone FaceTime
Shortly after that, one night he said, “Hey, can we leave the phone on when we go to sleep? It makes me feel closer to you.” (We were living in our separate homes at that point.)
I thought that was romantic and sweet.
Stalking is neither romantic nor sweet. He didn’t trust me because he had a guilty conscience.
Ownership and possession
Checking my receipts
One day, I drove through McDonald’s for a soda on the way to see him. This made me run 10 minutes late.
He asked to see the receipt because he thought I somehow squeezed in a tête-à-tête or tryst in the missing 10 minutes en route.
Spoofing and stalking
Every time I blocked one form of communication, he found yet another way to get around it.
It was like having Medusa as your ex.
Every time you cut off the head of one of the venomous snakes, another would grow in its place.
So, he spoofed his phone number when I blocked his.
When I wouldn’t answer my phone, he showed up and parked in front of my condo.
He kept a log of when my lights would come on – an indicator of my comings and goings.
I now control my lights with Alexa – that ought to put a crimp in his style. He continues to stalk me.
It’s an established pattern of behavior of control for him.
He lays low for a few weeks, generally five to six, and then resurfaces.
I’ve been told that he will eventually tire out and leave me alone.
I wish I believed them. I know him and I know how he thinks.
iPhone battery charger
He bought me a wireless battery charger for my phone so that “you’ll be available whenever I need you.”
The day I left him, I took great pleasure in letting my phone battery die and didn’t recharge it for two days.
Negging
He told me, “You know, when we first met, you were overweight.”
I am 5’3 and was 110 lbs. I lost 13.3 lbs and became borderline anorexic.
Urgent care
On the evening of December 16, 2017, this is the cell phone conversation that took place as I was driving to urgent care:
Him: “Where are you going?”
Me: “I’m going to Urgent Care.”
Him: “What are you going to tell them?”
Me: “I guess, that I tripped and fell down.”
Him: “Okay.”
These are just some of the things my ex-boyfriend has done.
If your partner exhibits any of these signs or has done any of these things…they are not romantic nor is it a sign of love. It’s abuse.