Dear Coleen
When I was 15, my mum cheated with my then-boyfriend – she was 38 at the time and I thought she was in a happy marriage.’
As you’d imagine, it was horrible and a real shock.
Later, when I was married with a young child, I believed my twin sister was sleeping with my husband. Now, more than 20 years later, I’m in the middle of a difficult divorce and I feel so emotionally scarred by what’s gone on.
I’m in a new relationship, but, given my past history, I’m concerned about how I’ll be able to cope emotionally.
I hope you can help.
Coleen says
Being in the middle of a painful divorce is bound to rake up difficult memories and emotions from past relationships, and you’re going to feel very vulnerable.
So, with that in mind, I think it’s wise to take this new relationship very slowly and don’t try to run before you can walk.
If your partner loves you, he’ll understand that you’re coping with a lot of emotional baggage and will be happy to go at your pace.
Focus on getting through the divorce before making decisions with this new relationship.
In terms of dealing with the emotional scarring, I really believe it would help to have counselling.
Not only to help you navigate the divorce but to work through what happened with your mum and your sister.
If you’ve never really talked about these betrayals, it would help to do so, so you can approach your new relationship feeling stronger and more positive. Good luck.