Dear Coleen
I’ve been married for six years and we have no children. The lockdowns have killed our relationship, as we were both at home together working and stopped making any effort for each other.
I started to see him differently and I suppose I stopped fancying him. We also argued and nagged each other a lot – the whole thing felt suffocating.
The thing is, I want to revive our sex life, but I don’t even know where to start. Even the thought of initiating sex or talking about it makes me cringe with embarrassment.
How do we start? I should say, he tries sometimes, but I usually roll over and make it clear I’m not interested. Can you advise?
Coleen says
Well, look, I think it’s really hard to go from nothing to having great sex again (or any sex for that matter), especially when you have all these bubbling resentments.
You have to want it, which means you have to rebuild the intimacy between you first.
Talk to your husband – there’s no avoiding it, I’m afraid, if you want to work this out. He’s probably feeling rejected when it comes to sex and now isn’t confident about initiating it.
You have to tell him that you do want sex, but don’t feel sexy or close to him at the moment, and that’s what you have to work on together as a couple.
Break your routine, find time to get away on holiday together to change your environment, go on dates, dress up for each other –remember what it’s like to be a romantic couple again.
You can find that spark again if you’re both willing to try, but it won’t just magically reappear.