Dear Coleen
I’m a woman in my early 30s and recently started seeing a really great guy, who admitted on our first date that he was in an open marriage.
He said both he and his wife are free to see other people, but have certain boundaries, like not bringing dates home, and telling the other if things feel like they’re getting serious with someone else.
I was a bit shocked at first as I’d never been in this situation before and normally I’d bolt if a date admitted this, but there’s something I really like about this guy.
I’ve been online dating for a while now and haven’t met anyone I’ve clicked with like him.
He’s sweet, funny, handsome and very good company.
The sex is also exciting, but I can’t work out whether that’s because I know that it can’t really go anywhere because he’s married.
I have nothing and no one else in my life right now, so would it be the worst thing to carry on seeing him?
I’ve mentioned it to a couple of friends who can’t believe I’m even thinking about it, but why not if I’m single and haven’t met anyone else?
Am I fooling myself?
Coleen says
Yes, 100% because while you’re seeing him you won’t give yourself the chance to meet that other person who can offer you so much more.
Also, it’s obvious from your letter that you really like this guy and if you get more involved, the risk is you’ll fall in love and you will start to want proper commitment.
It’s great for him, enjoying his open marriage (I’d like to think his wife has confirmed that), but what are you really getting out of this?
I just don’t know why you’d want to open yourself up to heartbreak when there are plenty of lovely guys out there who are single.
It might be going well right now, but it is not an equal Âarrangement – you can never go to his place or meet his family, or even plan a future.
If you can cut off your emotions and just be in this relationship for the exciting sex, then great.
However, I don’t know many people who could do that, even if they think they could.
Sorry, but this has Âheartbreak written all over it.
