Question: Hi! I have a strong relationship with my boyfriend for the past 5 years and I love him a lot. However, I have always loved my best friend too. Recently, I came to know that the feeling is mutual and my best friend loves me too and he confessed his love for me.
Ever since his declaration of love, we have been spending a lot of time together. When he kissed me, I kissed him back too because I could not say no and enjoyed it a lot. Whenever we spend time together he kisses me and we get physically involved.
However, I realised that what I was doing was wrong and I had no right to hurt my boyfriend whom I love unconditionally. I decided to end everything with my best friend but it did not work out. Anytime I say it’s over, the next minute we are back together again. I cannot get him off my head right now and when we do not talk, I miss him a lot. At the same time, I love my boyfriend so much that I do not want to break-up with him. Please help me! What should I do? —By Anonymous
Response by Dr. Kedar Tilwe: Dear reader; most enriching long term relationships are based not only on physical intimacy but also on shared bonding, affection, trust, and both personal as well as couple priorities and mutual life-goals. This usually necessitates a clear commitment and conscious decision on the part of both the partners involved in the relationship.
Infatuous love can be intoxicating and can cause you to reassess your priorities and current relationship equations. Either way, the decision is a deeply personal one and is dependent on your personal belief system and relationship expectations and goals.
Listing the pros and cons would bring some clarity on the way to proceed further. Enlist the help of a trusted confidant or counselor if necessary.
Do ensure that you are clear about the way forward and the reasons for doing so.