Dear Coleen
My ex-husband and I have been divorced for five years and I’m currently living with my partner.
My ex is still single, although I know he has no problem finding dates and has had a couple of short-term relationships.
My dilemma is, I bumped into him a couple of weeks ago and we arranged to go for a drink to catch up, and then ended up in bed together.
One of the reasons we broke up was because our sex life was non-existent, but when we slept together recently, it was exciting and passionate, and very satisfying for a change.
This has really messed my head up.
I feel guilty for cheating on my partner, but the sex with my ex was so much better than it is with him.
Please help!
Coleen says
Hmm, this is sex for old time’s sake, bringing up memories of when things were good.
It’s familiar but forbidden, so it’s exciting. But that’s all it is.
If you love your partner, work on that relationship and get the spark back.
Don’t let your sex life fall by the wayside, so you end up in the same position you were in with your ex-husband.
Putting what you’ve done aside for a moment, think back to why you got divorced and all the other rubbish things that happened.
Chances are, they would all happen again once you got used to each other and the initial excitement wore off.
If sex isn’t great with your partner, sort it out.
Think about what would have to change to make it exciting again.
As for feeling guilty, of course, you will, you’ve cheated!
There’s no magic fix for it I’m afraid.
I cheated once many years ago, couldn’t bear the guilt, saw how much hurt it caused and vowed I’d never do it again.
Confront issues in your relationship before you get to the point of sleeping with someone else.