Being financially stable at a young age has its challenges. One of the biggest challenges I faced was finding a guy my age who had his own money.
At 20 years old, I was making more money than most people who were twice my age and though I didn’t expect my partner to make as much, I wanted someone who didn’t rely on me for financial support.
Unfortunately, everyone I met didn’t have money and as soon as they found out that I was financially well off, they’d start asking for money.
I have nothing against helping someone who is struggling financially. However, it becomes a problem when it’s a constant thing or if you’re asking for money to go and spend it with your friends. That was the norm in my life when I was dating guys my age.
They never asked for money to start a business or pay for a course. It was always to go clubbing or buy clothes. I got tired of the constant begging so I decided to date someone older who I thought wouldn’t ask me for money.
One of the benefits of dating a guy in his 30s was that I didn’t have to worry about his financial situation. Most guys at that age had stable jobs and made good money. So, I assumed Trevor was the same.
Trevor had been pursuing me for a while but I was hesitant because of our age difference. He was 32 and I was 21 which I thought would turn him off. However, he didn’t think it was a big deal.
“Can you guess how old I am?” I asked him while on a date.
“27.” He answered confidently.
I laughed and said, “21.”
He was in disbelief and stared at me for a minute before saying, “You’ve accomplished a lot for your age.”
“Thanks.”
The date went well and I felt optimistic about our relationship. However, I made the mistake of paying for our meal which probably opened the doors for Trevor to start asking me for money.
It wasn’t like he was broke. On the contrary, Trevor was one of the most financially stable guys I knew. He had his own place, a nice car and a well-paying job but for whatever reason, he thought it was okay to ask me for money.
On our way home, we stopped at the petrol station where he asked me to pay for his fuel. Since I was still in a blissful mood, I removed my card from my wallet and, with a big smile on my face, I swiped it.
A week later, he invited me to his place. I was excited because, for once, the guy I was dating had his own place.
“Could you bring me a few things from the supermarket?” He asked over the phone.
“Sure. What do you need?” I said even though I didn’t want to.
“I’ll text you.”
He proceeded to send me a whole grocery list that amounted to over Ksh 8,000. It wasn’t a lot of money for me but I felt like he was taking advantage of the situation. Nonetheless, I bought him the things he had requested and even added a few more things to show him that I was a good catch. The pick-me energy was on overdrive at that time.
I showed up to his house with bags of groceries and the man didn’t even have the decency to prepare anything to eat – not even boiled eggs or sausages which don’t need any kind of skill.
“What are we eating?” I asked after realizing that he wasn’t going to offer me anything.
“Oh, are you hungry? I just ate but you can order something.”
I was hungry so I ordered a large pizza and soda which he ate almost all of it. Still, I tried to look on the bright side. At least, he had his own place and despite the horrible experience, it felt good being in someone else’s house.
After finishing the pizza, he came closer to me and put his arm around me then pulled me in.
“What do you want to watch?” He asked.
I smiled and said, “Anything.”
He then scrolled through YouTube and said, “There’s nothing to watch.”
“Don’t you have Netflix?”
“I have an account but I haven’t paid for it.”
I knew what was coming so without being asked, I removed my ATM card and asked him for his account details. Once the account was activated, he put me back in his arms and we watched movies until late at night. I spent the night at his place then woke up the following day and went back to my place.
I didn’t hear from him for almost two weeks. When I finally swallowed my pride and contacted him, he claimed that he was busy with work. However, that didn’t stop him from asking for money. I sent him Ksh 4,000 and he promised to make time for me in the coming week.
It got to a point where our relationship became transactional. If I needed to spend time with him, he asked me for money. I didn’t feel loved genuinely and I was getting irritated by how Trevor was treating me. Finally, I called him out about his behaviour.
“Why do you always ask me for money whenever I call you?” I asked him while we were at his place.
“If the tables were reversed, wouldn’t you borrow money from me?” He asked.
“It’s not like you don’t have your own money.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Why do you do it?”
“Because I can. You can’t refuse to give me money so why wouldn’t I ask?”
I was shocked at his response. At least the guys I dated before used to ask for money because they didn’t have any. Trevor was simply taking advantage of my kindness.
I didn’t need another sign that he was the wrong one for me. I ended the relationship and went back to dating guys my own age. They might be broke but at least they didn’t use me the way Trevor did.