Hi! I have felt very attracted to women since my adolescent age (age 10) and this attraction is similar to an ‘Ask the Expert’ query published here about ‘I Am in Love With My Maid’.
I am now 23 years old and unmarried but the attraction frequency is still the same today. I am usually attracted to older women or girls of the same age. I never told that to any of my female friends or any woman with whom I was feeling attracted to.
Sometimes, I would just feel like undoing my clothes and hers and just jump over her and forcefully have sex with her but I didn’t know what she would say to me, but I would simply walk away controlling myself without doing anything.
I have been controlling my feelings of having sex with any girl for the past 10 years and still don’t know what I will say when I desperately want it now after controlling myself for 10 years by just masturbating.
Now I have moved my home to a new city and don’t have any female friends here but just my neighbours and maid. I can’t get rid of my feelings. My question to you is whether I can ask any woman I am attracted to her just to have sex because I can’t control it?
Most probably I suppose no women would agree to this. It’s almost 10 years and I just can’t sit without responding to the needs of my body. I’m frustrated about this situation. Please tell me what should I do?
—By Anonymous
Response by Dr Kedar Tilwe: Dear reader, at your age, it is perfectly natural to feel an intense curiosity and attraction towards the opposite sex. However, the demonstration of this needs to be done in a socially acceptable manner, with appropriate propriety. It should not come across as demeaning for the object of your affection, and most crucially should always be with her consent. Remember, ‘No means no’.
Getting physically intimate is the highest form of trust and faith that one person can put in the other person. So directly asking any person for sex will definitely be considered scandalous and inappropriate by many, this can land you in serious trouble. So please refrain from acting this way.
Getting to know your partner, establishing an emotional connection, sharing trust and getting committed so that it may lead to consensual and enjoyable sex for both of you, is the better way forward. If you are not in the midst of a relationship then trying self-stimulation in a limited and judicious manner may help provide the necessary stress release.
If you find the thoughts to be compulsive in nature and the impulse to act on it to be too strong to resist, and it is intruding regularly on your social, personal and occupational life, then reach out to a psychiatrist near you.
A combination of psychotropic medication and psychotherapy in form of Insight-Oriented Therapy or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy shall definitely help control and reduce your concerns.