When you fall in love with someone, you begin to imagine your life with them and romanticize about being future partners with them. But what if all the things don’t go as planned? If our love isn’t reciprocated, we may need to learn how to stop liking someone without avoiding them.
It may seem difficult but it’s not impossible. Being in love with someone who is romantically unavailable is distressing. On top of that, seeing them with someone else can take a toll on you.
Now that you’re here looking for a solution to what feels like hell on earth, the first thing you need to know is this emotional turmoil doesn’t last forever. It takes a lot of courage to be able to remove yourself from an unhappy situation. We’re glad that you have already taken the first step toward your well-being, by recognizing the need to move on.
How To Stop Liking Someone You Can’t Have – 13 Ways
Do spend thinking a lot of time about someone you can’t be with all the time? It’s not necessary to completely and immediately let go of someone, but you can do it eventually. Make room for yourself in your head and heart – this could be the time you spend on yourself. Rediscover yourself and retain your individuality as you move forward.
How to stop liking your crush when they’re committed to someone? How to stop liking someone who rejected you and just be close friends instead? These questions started to perplex us at high school and manage to follow us into our adulthoods as well. Most of the time, we learn something new about ourselves in the process of moving forward, and the other times we end up repeating the cycle of falling for the same kind of people.
Since you are here and clearly want to know how to stop liking someone you can’t have, it means you’ve accepted the fact (to some extent) that they don’t like you back. It’s a huge step forward. Whether you’re in love with your best friend or attracted to a coworker, we’re going to show you how to stop liking someone without avoiding them altogether.
1. Mourn your unrequited love
You meet someone daily and you fell head over heels in love with them. Just give yourself the time and space to heal from the fact that they don’t love you back. You can’t do anything about this. You can’t force them to love you. You can’t bribe or threaten them either. Cry it out. Take your time and let the grieving process teach you important life lessons. For example, you can’t always get what you want.
Here are some steps to survive the stages of grief:
- Accept it. Your love wasn’t enough to make someone love you back
- Don’t bottle up your feelings. Talk about it
- Distract yourself by developing new hobbies or going back to your old ones
- Start liking yourself. Fight negative thoughts with positive ones
- Focus on your current relationship with your friends and family. Don’t neglect their importance by drowning in your sorrows
2. No more living rent-free in your head
We’re all guilty of doing this with someone esle. The nature versus nurture theory suggests that we’re attracted to people who are off-limits because of an innate survival trait that tells us they’re of high value. Fantasizing about your crush when you can’t be with them is tantalizing. Sexual and romantic attraction are the culprits behind the rosy scenarios that play in your head before you go to bed. That’s until you’re snapped back to reality during the day.
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Take a look at Tom from 500 Days of Summer. Tom is devastated when Summer decides to break up with him. The movie cleverly depicts the pain of unreciprocated love and teaches Tom that you can never live in the past. The same way, you can’t stop fantasizing about your own romantic world in your head and keep living in it day and night. It won’t help you move on. Avoid thinking about them as much as possible.
3. Acceptance is key
You’re probably thinking to yourself, “Not this advice again”. If the internet, your old friends, and your mom, all of them are handing out the same advice, it’s because it works. Getting over your crush does not have to be a herculean task, it can be gentle and simple. One that does not leave any emotional baggage or resentment behind.
When you are moving on and trying to get over such a person who refused to reciprocate your love, you need to cultivate acceptance. Here are someproductive ways you can do that to avoid intense feelings toward them:
- Resist the urge to talk negatively about yourself
- Don’t blame your shortcomings for their rejection
- Just say to yourself that this is the good old “right person, wrong time” phenomenon
- Love yourself more than ever
- Don’t push someone else away just because you can’t have that one person
- Spend a considerable amount of time meditating
- Have meaningful conversations and personal conversations with yourself and your loved ones
- Don’t think people finding out about this will make them think less of you
4. Stalking is self-sabotaging
*Sighs* This is just as bad as stalking an ex on a regular basis. At least when it comes to your ex, you’ll stop stalking them because you know you don’t wish to get back together with them. But in the case of a crush, you have hope – as little as it may be. The temptation to constantly check their Instagram stories is real, but it’s also painful and detrimental to your health. Ask yourself, do you really want to see them posting pictures wit someone else on social media platforms? This will just double your pain.
Here’s how to stop liking a person you can’t have – sign up on a dating site and replace the habit of stalking them with swiping left and right. It’s better for your own sanity to not let your romantic feelings get the better of you. Don’t bother about their relationship status either. If you’re not ready to date other people, that’s okay too. You can replace it with any activity of your choice, just make sure it is easy and fun to do for it to stick.
5. Use humor as a coping tool
This may seem odd to some but it is true that humor goes a long way in uplifting your spirits and overall well-being. Research published in 2021 revealed the role of perspective-changing skills using humor to deal with psychological burdens. Humor creates a buffer between you and the sadness that unrequited love brings into a person’s life. We have been using humor as a way to cope for centuries; you know what they say about laughter being the best medicine.
The quickest way to get onto this is by watching stand-up comedy, or even better, going for one in person. I once did this after a breakup and purposely sat on the front row, hoping for it to help. I was made fun of, it was a good laugh for everyone (including me), and I was able to look at my life with a non-serious and non-grumpy eye. You can also watch TV shows like The Office, FRIENDS, The Big Bang Theory, and How I Met Your Mother to laugh out loud and forget about your woes for a while.
6. Journal the good, bad, and the ugly
Do you wish things were different and your crush wasn’t taken? Then write about it in your journal. Do you wish you didn’t have to find ways on how to stop liking a person you see every day? Write it in your journal. Speaking on the subject, psychologist and relationship expert Devaleena Ghosh previously gave Bonobology an informed professional advice, “A habit of regular journaling is known to reduce a significant amount of emotional distress for most people. There are a lot of benefits to journaling with consistency, especially when you’re down in the dumps.”
Treat your journal like a safe space where you can speak your mind in the tone that you want without having to worry about offending anyone. You can brood over your emotions, express your love for your crush, and talk about their shortcomings too (trust me, it helps). This is one of the effective ways to keep your emotions under control.
As psychosomatic beings, what we create in our minds and feel strongly in our emotions manifests in our bodies. Use this to your advantage, as journaling your unwanted feelings openly will help relieve your pain. A few weeks of reflection about your situation in a journal will hasten your process to fall out of love. And that’s our note on how to stop liking someone and just be good friends with them. It’s a good start so far, isn’t it?
7. Keep reminding yourself that this is temporary
When we go through any emotional upheaval in our lives, we tend to lose sight of the big picture. It is important to remind yourself every now and then that it’s not always going to be this way. Avoid taking this rejection seriously. You will find the love you’re looking for. At Bonobology, we believe in a happy and imperfect love.
Your feelings may not be reciprocated this one time from this one individual, but that is no reason to get pessimistic about your love life. There truly are plenty of fish in the sea. Focus on eventually starting to see other people. If you’ve been in love with your best friend for a while, then it’s going to be difficult compared to a fleeting crush. But it’s still temporary.
Even if you’re someone who currently feels they’re destined for failed relationships or dying alone, remind yourself that your luck can change in an instant. No matter what situation you find yourself in, wake up every morning and consciously remind yourself that this is temporary and you’ll get over that person. When you feel better, you attract better.
8. Limit your interaction with the crush
It’s only logical, isn’t it? You can’t expect to learn how to stop liking someone and just stay friends while also hanging out with them all the time. It doesn’t work that way. If you’re constantly bumping into your crush at work, it’s like a walking reminder of the fact that you cannot date them.
When your crush likes someone else, there are many ways to maintain and setting boundaries in a social setting without making anything glaringly obvious and awkward. Depending on how deeply you feel for them and the pain it causes you, set a new tone of friendship with them. If needed, bring it down to the bare minimum interaction.
Here are some ways you can set boundaries with someone you have romantic feelings for:
- Stop seeing them alone. Stop calling them and meet them in a group setting
- If they are in a committed relationship with someone else, don’t be petty and act jealous
- Don’t do couple things with them like watching romantic movies alone or having dinner alone
- Maintain distance and don’t buy expensive gifts for them
- Avoid spending time with them excessively
- Don’t send them random text messages
At the same time be civil with them, don’t shut them out entirely. If at a certain point you do feel like putting the connection to rest, talk to them about it before you pull the plug. If that seems too much, prepare a reasonable excuse for your change in behavior.
9. To know how to stop liking your crush, get professional help
Unrequited love makes for an interesting story for a book but in real life, it makes one miserable. Have there been a few instances where you haven’t felt like coming out of your bed? If you find it difficult to function on a daily basis and are isolating yourself from social connections, then it’s time you get professional help. Don’t wait for rock bottom to reach out for help, pick up on the early signs of depression.
At Bonobology, we have the best experts available for you to seek help during this turbulent time in your dating life. Our panel of experts has you covered and will be more than happy to share their insight on how to stop liking someone you can’t have.
Apart from learning how to stop having feelings for someone, you can even address the other serious issues you may have been ignoring. Maybe you have a fear of rejection that has been rampant in your dating life? Therapy is a safe space for you to talk about any insecurity you may have and it’s always good to have a professional draw up a holistic picture of your life.
10. Break away from physical contact
We’re specifically referring to the flirtatious kind of friendship. Yes, they are fun, as long as feelings don’t come into the picture. But when you want to know how to stop liking someone you can’t have, continuing a friendship like this is problematic.
Friends-with-benefits is not an option either. Want to know how to stop liking someone and just be friends? Don’t confess your feelings and definitely don’t start a “casual”, sexual relationship with someone else. And stop waiting for them to break up with their partner in order to make a well-timed move.
It may feel great at the moment, but be honest with yourself, doesn’t that leave you with a void when you have to see them with their partner? Not being able to love your love is a wound, don’t scratch it every now and then. That’s not how healing works. Believe me, you don’t want to be breadcrumbed by settling for something less.
11. Snooze your feelings from time to time
If you spend a lot of time wallowing about not being with your crush, that’s just as problematic as avoiding the pain altogether. A healthy balance is required between the two. It’s impossible for us to always make time for our emotions as they arise. We live in the real world, where responsibilities demand our attention. Cut ties with your feelings and divert your energy elsewhere.
If you catch yourself avoiding important tasks, then it’s time for you to take a break from feeling things. Avoid spiraling down into a negative pool of emotions. It won’t do you any good. Grounding is a simple yet effective way to regulate yourself during this time. The key to knowing how to stop liking someone without avoiding them, lies in your acceptance of this moment. For the times you can’t practice grounding physically, close your eyes and create a visual and sensory stimulus as close to the real one as possible.
12. Indulge in the pleasures of life
Here’s how to stop liking someone you can’t have: go have sex with someone you’re physically attracted to. Now we’re not asking you to go and have rebound sex. But as they say – when you can’t get over someone, get under someone else. Do this when you are ready and are seeking intimacy. Meet someone else. Perhaps a sweet summer fling can do you good, just like in high school.
Some other things you can do when your feelings are not reciprocated that will take your mind off this include:
- Traveling alone or with someone else like your friend or sibling
- Helping people and doing charity work
- Meeting new people and make new friends
- Finally, when you are ready, join the dating pool and find your ideal partner
- Try some new lifestyle differences like trying a different restaurant for dinner or learning a new language
13. Channel this clarity to catapult into your best version
If you want to stop having feelings for them, then get your mind off your crush. Start by giving yourself credit for the little things and the progress you’ve made so far. Knowing how to stop liking someone in theory is different than acting on it and being a part of the process. Acknowledge the emotional challenges you’ve been through over the last few weeks or months. Become someone else you could be proud of and celebrate the little wins of overcoming the obstacles with self-love.
Next, use this newfound stability and space to improve your overall health. For most of us, there is always room for improvement when it comes to our physical or mental health. So move your body more often, do a few workout sessions in a week, meditate, or join a yoga class. This can be one of the best times of your life if you use it constructively. If you want our advice, then spend time setting life goals, and do a life review to understand how far you’ve come in your life.
Key Pointers
- Liking someone who doesn’t like you back can be excruciating for you. It’s crucial you don’t let the reeling of rejection consume you
- Stop liking your crush by meeting new people and making new friends
- Stop meeting them alone and try to journal your feelings
They are with someone else. That’s a big enough reason for you to move on and focus on your well-being. And with that, we have reached the end of this article. This is all there is to know on how to stop liking someone you can’t have. We wish you all the intrinsic motivation that is needed to get over your crush. We’re always wishing you a warm dating life, may you love well and be loved in return.