Dear Coleen
I’m a 29-year-old woman and my wedding is planned for next spring. However, I’ve been having doubts over the past few weeks and don’t know what to do. I’m finding it hard to trust my own feelings at the moment.
I’ve been isolating with my fiancé during lockdown – he has his own place, but we decided to move in together while this thing lasted.
Before Covid, we probably stayed overnight with each other two or three times a week.
We’ve obviously been planning to get a place together before we’re married and had started looking to rent before the coronavirus hit.
The truth is, he’s been irritating me beyond belief during this time and I’ve found myself being less and less attracted to him. I’m just not used to spending seven days a week with him.
It’s nothing major – just habits – and I’m finding myself feeling really claustrophobic because he’s in my space all the time.
We’ve been together for three years and engaged for six months. I’m confused because I really thought I loved him and that nothing could change my opinion of him. He has no idea I feel like this and I feel really guilty every day. What do you think?
Coleen says
I think lots of relationships have been put under pressure during this time.
It’s a weird situation we’ve all had to adapt to. Who, in reality, is together 24/7 without being able to see friends and family or go out to work? I suspect most couples have been irritated by each other at some point.
But this is the time to be talking about what’s bothering you – you don’t have to blame him, but just say you’re worried you’re irritating each other and it’s making you nervous about moving in together.
You might be irritating him too. Why not both write down what annoys you about each other and talk about it? And keep in mind this situation is far from normal – you only have to consider reality shows such as Big Brother and Love Island to see what can happen when people are locked up together with no escape.
There are arguments aplenty and the unlikeliest couples get together – I know, I’ve been in the Big Brother house!
Lockdown has made many people question their relationships, but, let’s be honest, when you’re not locked down, you have days when you can’t stand each other. The difference is, you have the opportunity to get away, cool down and think about it.138208672551
The good news is, you can now break the intensity a bit by getting together with some friends for a socially distanced gathering.
That’ll take the pressure off – you might find some of your friends have similar complaints. But I wouldn’t make any major decisions about the wedding until life has returned to some kind of normality.
You’d have to be an android for this situation not to get on your nerves – even the strongest relationships will feel under pressure. At least it’s given you a taste of the potential pitfalls before you set up home together.