My last relationship made me feel like a cursed person. Out of nowhere, he started acting out of character. I asked what was going on and he got angry. He accused me of being disrespectful and unsubmissive.
That aside, we were having an argument when he said, “Do you know that people from my tribe don’t get along well with people from your tribe? I don’t even know how I ended up entangling myself with you.”
His words and actions broke my heart but I couldn’t leave him. I felt he owned the key to my heart so I was stuck with him. I also remembered how good he was when we started dating and convinced myself that maybe he would change back to that person. The person who worshipped the ground I walked on.
My greatest fear was that I would lose him, so I fought with everything to keep him. I had suffered so many guys walking out on me that I couldn’t stand to fail at another relationship. That’s why I was always at his beck and call. I didn’t want to do anything to scare him away. So I tiptoed around his ego to try and prove that I am a submissive woman.
During this period, my supervisor at work was giving me a difficult time. I was the only woman working at the company at that time so he felt he should have me. He tried all he could to get me in bed but I stood my ground and didn’t give in to him. My job and peace of mind were at stake by turning him down but I decided that nothing was worth betraying my boyfriend for, so I stuck to my guns.
At a point, things got so bad at work that I decided it was best I resigned. I expected my boyfriend to praise me for not giving in to my boss’s pressure, but the opposite happened. He rather got mad at me for quitting my job when I didn’t have another one lined up.
He uttered the words, “Now that you don’t have a job, how can I be with you? I am not ready to settle down with a liability.” No matter how many times I explained the harassment I faced to him, he didn’t want to understand. My mental health and safety didn’t matter to him. He was more concerned that he would be responsible for my upkeep. But I assured him that I wouldn’t be a burden to him.
Another thing he found a problem with was the size of my thing. In actual sense, he is the one with the small yinky. It is so small that I barely felt it when we used to have intimacy. I never said anything to him about it so this guy turned the thing around and started complaining that my thing is too big for his size. “This means you’ve slept with a lot of guys,” he concluded. My self-esteem was damaged at this stage.
Looking at the way things were going, I wanted some distance from him so I could clear my head. I called my grandma to inform her that I was coming, then I packed a few stuff and moved temporarily to her place. The warm welcome she gave me moved me to tears. She didn’t ask me what going on before I told her everything. After I finished talking, she assured me that she would get my uncle to help me get a job.
The uncle she spoke to lives outside the country and he promised to work out something for me. While I was struggling to get back on my feet, my boyfriend told me he was no longer interested in me. He said he got a girl pregnant so he was going to marry her. I had anticipated our break up but when it finally happened, my heart couldn’t hold it. I screamed. No, I wailed. I believe it sounded like the cry of a woman who had lost a child.
My grandma called my mama and they both comforted me. They did their best to cheer me up but I was still down. The next day, my uncle called to get my credentials for a job but I was so out of it. I remember telling him, “Don’t bother getting me any job. I am done with this life.” Instead of getting offended, he asked, “What’s wrong?” I told him that everything was fine. He didn’t buy my response so he spoke to my grandma.
After his conversation with my grandma, he started calling me frequently to check up on me. Things flowed easily between us. Soon enough, he became my only friend. He was far away but was closer to me when I needed to rant or cry.
Because of him, my smile returned. He also helped me to get a job just as he promised. On my birthday, he sent some money as a gift and then called me on a video call. It was the first time in eighteen years that I was seeing him again. The moment I laid eyes on him, something leapt in my heart and my stomach tightened. He looked so young and fresh.
Throughout the video call, he teased me about how he used to clean after me and how big I’ve become. I teased him back by saying, “No one will believe this story. You look too good and young to be my old uncle. He laughed and I was mesmerized that someone in his mid-forties could look that good.
After that call, something changed in me. My uncle became my crush. We continue to talk as he is invested in my healing. He promised to return home soon so we would meet. I am so excited that I am finally going to see him. However, I know the source of my excitement. This is not the kind a niece feels while she waits for her uncle. No. This is the kind a woman feels while she waits for her man.
I know it’s not normal to feel this way about my mother’s brother but I can’t seem to control it. I am worried that I might do something embarrassing when he shows up. And I would hate for things to get uncomfortable between us. Please, I need advice. How do I quench this feeling before it destroys me?
—Leah