Well, all couples argue and there is no relationship that is fight-proof! In fact, partners in the happiest and healthiest relationships can also have misunderstandings or fights and that’S completely normal. However, the way a couples deals with this situation can make all the difference. Here’s how you can resolve an argument with your lover without damaging your relationship.
Give each other the time to cool off
We all tend to overreact and utter things we don’t mean in the heat of the moment. Feeling angry, scared, stressed or super sentimental can make it hard to think logically and handle the situation in a mature way. Hence, it is best to take your time to cool off after an argument and then try to resolve it. This cooling-off period could be anything from mere 20 minutes to a few hours, but what matters is that you have bounced back to your normal self and are willing to have a conversation with your spouse.
Make it a rule
You can never resolve a fight if you are not fully honest to yourself and your lover. Take your time to reflect on what all has happened, what made you angry, and how your partner would be feeling. Instead of simply blaming your partner, keep your ego aside and think about how you both could have approached the situation differently and could have avoided the argument.
Identify the reason and pattern
Do you argue with your partner over the same or almost similar issues again and again? Have you developed an unhealthy pattern over the years where you end up ignoring your feelings and behave like nothing happened? Or, you simply say ‘sorry’ and think you have buried the hatchet?
Sometimes, couples end up frequently arguing with each other because they do not address the root-cause of the problem. Therefore, even if you have taken your time to cool off, make it a point that you don’t resolve the fight just for the sake of it or without understanding what led to the argument at the first place.
The art of apologising
Apologising is not just about saying the three words, “I am sorry” or assuming your partner has forgiven you. To make your apology actually meaningful and use as a tool to strengthen your relationship, you need to choose the right words. Acknowledge what your partner is feeling and give assurance that you will put efforts to make things better. For instance, something like, “I am sorry you feel hurt. I will try to…” or “I am sorry for what has happened. Let’s make sure we don’t repeat this same mistake again,” is more likely to make your partner feel satisfied.
Use it as an opportunity!
People can have different opinions over different things and people and again, it is normal have a ‘healthy’ argument with your partner. When dealt in the right way, it only helps you to understand your partner better and create a more loving, respectful bond.
TNN/timesofindia.indiatimes.com