This week, my heart has been heavy with sadness and my mind full of reflections about life. During the week, I saw an elderly patient-about 75 and his adult son.
They told me that the father, who has many chronic illneses, lives with his son, and his wife. To put it bluntly, even though, he has a room of his own, his daughter-in-law wants him out of the house.
“I want the house to myself and my family. I didn’t sign up to take care of your father” she said, according to them. So, they are looking for a place so that father can live alone. A week ago, a female patient reported similar problems with her daughter-in-law. Now, in fairness to the in-laws involved in these cases, I have not heard from them. As an attorney friend once told me, “Between God and the devil, we have only heard God’s side of the story. Let’s get Lucifer’s side too.”.
I believe these stories are broadly true. I have heard and witnessed similar stories about spouses– both male and females wanting step-children out of their homes. The 5th Commandment, as narrated in Exodus 20:12, states, “Honour your father and your mother that your days may be long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”
Now, is your father-in-law the same as your father? Is your mother-in-law the same as your mother? My mother’s favorite song was “Etan wonua na edo Christ a na otoro ye wo” ( If you hate your brother and love Christ, you are a liar).
It seems in many families, people see their in-laws differently from their own mothers, fathers etc. Listening to my patients broke my heart. Even aside from the fact that in-laws are family, the story of the Good Samaritan makes it clear that even strangers deserve our help.
To end on a happy note, while growing up fatherless, quite few men adopted me as their kid and helped my education even though they didn’t even know my mother.
And the week before, I met a former wife, ten years divorced from her husband, who had taken him back in because, “He can’t live by himself and I can’t watch him go to a nursing home.”
Let us all reflect on the meaning of family and offer help to those in need, be they our parents, in-laws or even strangers.
As the Bible says, “whatever you do to the least of these, that you do unto me.”
We shall overcome!
God bless you all.
Arthur Kobina Kennedy
4th February, 2024.