The following is an intriguing letter written by a discerning listener of Joy FM’s Home Affairs seeking solutions to what she thinks is her peculiar problem.
As it turned out, it elicits so many subjects from the programme’s guests on Saturday morning.
Read her letter and share your views on the subject.
Hello Joy FM, I really need help with this. My entire view of marriage is being threatened.
I grew up with the perception that once you get married, it’s you and your husband vs everyone else. That you and this person have become one. And even the Bible says it right? That you and this person become one flesh
So is there something wrong with expecting that my husband’s life revolves around me and mine his? For instance, I expect that our friends become one pool, I expect that all things being equal, every outing must be attended together no matter where the invite is coming from, I expect that as much as it is possible, all trips should be taken together, etc.
I do not see why there should be some things we should do apart, especially if they are for leisure, talk less of important things like accounts, properties etc.
But my husband seems to have different views. In the beginning, I didn’t think much of it because I felt he was transitioning and he needed time to adjust to these things.
But after three years, it’s beginning to become a huge problem. He doesn’t believe our lives must be that intertwined.
Recently something happened that got me really upset. He said he was stressed out at work and so he wanted to drive up the mountains alone and have some ‘me time’, read and just relax.
I was so confused. Does that mean I am not capable of helping him de-stress? Why does it have to be away from me?
Also why can’t we do that trip together? We’ve talked about this a few times and we both just can’t seem to get where the other is coming from.
I want to know, is it unrealistic to expect that my spouse’s life revolves around me?