Dear Coleen,
I wrote to you a couple of years ago after meeting a woman online when I was 70 and she was 60. I said at the time that the sex was fantastic, but outside of the bedroom she could be cruel and cold, and I’ve discovered recently that she also has a nasty temper.
I haven’t stayed at her house for about a year, I still don’t know any of her extended family or friends, and she hasn’t met my family either.
I’m a very open person, but there are some things she won’t allow me to discuss, including family and work.
I’m generous with my time and money, and recently organised us a holiday which cost me £6,000. As soon as it was booked, she became awkward and didn’t get in touch unless she wanted something.
It was the holiday from hell. She’d arranged a room with two beds and told me to keep out of her bed, and then started picking on everything I did. It was like being on holiday with a stranger, walking along five feet apart.
I made an effort and I paid for everything, but it wasn’t enough. She was texting constantly and leaving the room to talk on the phone.
One evening I heard her on speaker, talking to a man. She looked shocked when she saw me, but I didn’t comment.
Back home, I confronted her about her behaviour and the next day she apologised, but I’ve realised now she’s fed me so many lies.
I’d welcome your opinion.
Coleen says
My opinion is, get yourself out of this relationship because she’s using you. A friend of mine was in a very similar situation – she was with someone for four years, spent money on them, helped them out constantly and then this person just walked out one day with no explanation. They’d got what they wanted out of her, so they moved on. My friend was very hurt and embarrassed, and angry that she’d invested so much in this person.
Most of us at some point in life have been taken advantage of by someone – friends, acquaintances, colleagues, lovers – the important thing is to learn from the experience and move on. And don’t beat yourself up for having an open heart.
You need to build up your self-esteem and love yourself enough to be on your own. She hasn’t made you a proper part of her life and probably hasn’t even told her friends and family about you.
You’ve given her so much, but you have to ask yourself what she’s giving back to you. Don’t wait for her to walk out one day – take control of your future.