Dear Coleen
My husband and I recently decided that we needed to spice things up a bit in the bedroom by adding a new dimension to our sex lives.
We are both in our 40s and, if I’m honest, things had become a little stale over the past few years.
We both have a huge passion for the comic book universe, in fact, when I first met my husband he was dressed as the Green Goblin at a national convention.
He came up with the suggestion that we should dress up as our favourite DC and Marvel characters and incorporate it into our foreplay. I was keen to try something different so agreed to give it a try.
Sadly, it’s ended up being a big turn off for me. As much as I love my husband, he no longer fits comfortably into Lycra in the way he did before.
The result is, I simply don’t find the roleplay arousing at all, but he seems to really enjoy it.
How can I break it to him sensitively that our new experiment isn’t working for me? I’d love some guidance.
Coleen says
Well, firstly, good on you for giving his suggestion a go! I think the important thing is you took his idea on board and gave it a whirl.
When it comes to fantasy and roleplay, both partners have to enjoy it and get into it or it’s pointless.
As for breaking the news, don’t make it about how he looks in Lycra, simply explain that it’s not a turn-on for you, which means you don’t feel relaxed.
I’m sure he won’t want you to feel that you’re doing it just for him.
Perhaps you’re focusing on the wrong thing here. Rather than trying to come up with big ideas for the bedroom, why not try building romance and intimacy day-to-day?
These can be small loving gestures – paying a compliment, sending a sexy text, or taking the time to do something nice together.
It’s this stuff that builds desire and has a knock-on effect in the bedroom. Going from things being stale to dressing up as Lycra-clad superheroes seems a bit of a stretch (please excuse the pun).
But maybe once you do rekindle that desire, then the odd night of superhero fun will be more appealing.