Popular American actress, Taraji P. Henson says the COVID-19 pandemic led her to thoughts of suicide earlier this year.
The Empire star, 50, made the jarring revelation on her Facebook Watch show Peace of Mind with Taraji.
‘For a couple of days, I couldn’t get out of the bed, I didn’t care; that’s not me,’ the Washington, D.C. native said. ‘Then, I started having thoughts about ending it: “I could go in there right now, and just end it all.”
The Hidden Figures actress said she felt herself ‘withdrawing’ from her network of friends and loved ones amid the thoughts of self-harm.
‘People were calling me, I wasn’t responding; I just didn’t care,’ she said. ‘Finally, I’m talking to one of my girlfriends and I knew, I was smart enough to say, “I have to say it.” I was like, “I don’t want them to think I’m crazy.” I don’t want them to, you know, obsess over me or think they gotta come and sit on me.’
The What Men Want star said ‘one day [she] just blurted it out, to [her] girlfriend,’ and immediately felt relief after coming forward with the difficult admission.
‘So one day I just blurted it out, to my girlfriend,’ she said. ‘She called me in the morning and I was like, “You know I thought about killing myself last night. Oh my god, I feel so much better. I’m not gonna do it now.”
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button star explained in detail her train of thought in the segment with her co-host Tracie Jade and psychologist Dr. LaShonda Green.
‘For me, I’m no professional, but I felt like, if I don’t say it, it becomes a plan,’ the Oscar-nominated actress said. ‘And what scared me, is that I did it two nights in a row. And the thoughts kept coming. Now I started think about how.
‘At first, it was like, I don’t want to be here. And then I started thinking about going and getting the gun. And that’s why when I woke up the next morning, and I blurted it out. Because I felt like after a while it was going to take over me and it was going to become a plan because that’s how strong my brain is.’
It’s been an eventful year for the actress, who turned 50 in September and called off her engagement to fiance Kelvin Hayden in October.
Last month, she told Entertainment Tonight she was doing ‘much better’ as the year progressed.
‘I felt myself slipping and so I was like, “You know what I am not going to do is let 50 happen to me I am going to get control of this mentally and not be like, you are getting old, don’t nobody care, you ain’t working,”‘ she said. ‘Well, duh, no one is working, it is COVID. So I felt that coming.’