Toxic relationships are like holding onto a thick rope which pulls you to different directions as you try and hold on for as long as possible. Ultimately, it only leaves you bruised, hurt and exhausted from all the efforts you have put. There is no denying that the best thing for your peace of mind would be to cut off that rope and let go. However, there are times when you don’t have the luxury of blocking all sources of communication because there is a kid involved. Yes, co-parenting is a real struggle and becomes all the more difficult when you have to deal with a former partner you just cannot stand.
What does it exactly mean to co-parent
Co-parenting is also known as joint parenting and shared parenting, where two adults who are not romantically involved (it is usually a post-divorce or separation arrangement) jointly participate to raise their kids together. In the very essence, co-parenting is about keeping the needs of your children first and both the parties need to be fully committed to maintaining civility for the benefit of the child.
To put it simply, it is a lot of work even if you end things on a relatively better note as it involves a lot of scheduling, communicating and letting things slide for the sake of your kids. However, what do you do if you enter a shared parenting routine with a former partner you wanted nothing to do with?
Here are certain tips which may help you navigate the co-parenting boat without sinking.
1. Find your mental peace first
This one is a no-brainer. If you want to pave way for a better co-parenting system in your life, it is of utmost importance that you guard your mental health first. You need to consciously work upon letting go of any bitterness or grudges you have been holding against your ex-partner. No, we are not talking about turning a blind eye to what they are doing currently, but to moving forward in life and letting go of the bitter past. Your toxic relationship or your equation with your partner no longer dictates your life, so try and focus more on taking care of yourself and being at peace.
2. Do not badmouth your ex in front of your child
A lot of times you may feel like letting out a little sarcastic remark or taking a jab at your former partner, we suggest stopping right there. Remember, that your child does not need to be part of what all went down between you two and such snide remarks may ultimately have a negative impact on your little one. So, it is best to not indulge in small comments and learn to work through the disagreements in a respectful manner.
3. Keep the lines of communication open
Yes, we understand that you no longer want to indulge in conversations with your ex or want to interact with them every time either of your drops off the kids. This to and fro can be exhausting, to say the least, but remember that you are doing it for the children and not for your ex. Make sure that you respond to the co-parenting communication when you are in a good state mentally. You can keep it short, to the point and respectful. Also, do not engage in anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or irritable.
4. Seek therapy if needed
With our increasingly hectic lives, it is only reasonable if things start spiralling out of control. If you feel that you are not able to deal with this whole situation on your own, it is strongly advisable to consult an expert. When tensions run high and you don’t think you have it in you to dissipate it, finding a parenting coordinator or seeking therapy is the way to go.
5. Focus on your child
In the longer run, it all boils down to what your child learns and takes away from the example both of you have set up. Your goal is to create an ideal living situation for your little ones, where both the parents are present to see them grow and thrive. When things get difficult, remember to take a break and not call quits on the co-parenting situation. You may also communicate with your ex-partner on how they can work on making things better for the child, which is the only goal of co-parenting.