The lockdown has changed our lives in many ways. It brought to light many facets of life as well as made us face some ugly realities, which we had never imagined to be possible. From discovering our inner strength to accepting our weakness, this is a period of self-discovery, and I am no different. I am a 32-year-old married woman and I have known my husband since my college days and after seven long years of courtship, we finally decided to get married when we both found stable jobs. Life had never been easy for us and we didn’t expect it to be otherwise. However, I had full faith in my husband and our love. But my world was turned upside down during the lockdown. Here’s my story
02/8I looked at the silver lining
Being a working couple, we hardly got opportunities to spend time with each other. Amidst the fear of the pandemic, when the lockdown was announced I tried looking at the silver lining—at least this will allow me to spend time with my husband. Although we will be working from home, at least we will be near each other and doing things together that we have been planning for ages, like rearranging the furniture, watching our favourite movies, etc.
03/8After the first week, things started to change
The first week of the lockdown started smoothly. The night before the lockdown, we went for grocery shopping and after getting all the essential things, we went out for a drive and returned home happy and a little relaxed although the fear of what the future held for everyone loomed large. The first week began rather smoothly, we divided household chores and did our respective office work from the same room. He was a doting husband and helped me in the kitchen with whatever limited skills he had. However, as the week crawled towards the end, I could sense a change in my husband’s behaviour.
04/8He started demanding for personal space
There were times I would catch him lost in deep thoughts mostly staring at the blank screen of his mobile. I didn’t take it very seriously because even I was growing cranky. Being cooped up indoors for days was affecting everyone’s mood and we were no different. But my instinct kept nagging at me and it constantly told me that something was wrong. I then noticed that my husband had started taking longer smoking breaks in the balcony and he preferred to stay alone in a room and whenever I tried to give him company, he just seemed uninterested and bored.
05/8We had our first fight
On the second week of the lockdown, we had our first fight and what really hurt me was when my husband accused me of treading upon his personal space. I was shocked because apart from the moments we were in the bedroom, both were busy doing either office work or household chores. It was then I realised, he wanted to spend time alone and not with me. That made me more sad than angry. He had never behaved like that and on the contrary, he always looked forward to the moment we met after returning home from office. So what has changed? Was it the lockdown or something else? I didn’t have to wait long for an answer.
06/8My husband had a second phone which I was not even aware of
One night after we went to bed, my husband excused himself saying he was going for a smoke break. Instead of using the balcony attached to our bedroom, he went to the balcony that was near the guest room. As he was about to leave our room I could hear a phone vibrating and the sound came from the pocket of his pajama. We all get messages or calls at night, either from our parents, friends and on rare occasions from colleagues. I was not shocked or surprised on knowing about the late-night messages. What took me aback was the fact that my husband’s phone was on our bedside table and as far as I knew he had only one phone. So whose phone was he carrying?
07/8When I asked him about the other phone
The cat was out of the box, rather I had to force it to come out of the box, when I asked my husband about his other phone. His first reaction was denial but when I said I heard the phone vibrating, he was caught off guard because I was then holding his other phone. Although the room was dark, I could still see my husband break into a sweat. I demanded to check his other phone that he handed over to me reluctantly. It had calls and messages from only one unsaved number. The messages were enough to confirm my worst fear—my husband was having an affair.
08/8His confession
It was after two days of unbearable silence from my side that my husband finally confessed. He said that he used this other phone to use an extramarital dating app where he met a woman. He has been having an affair with her for six months and only used this phone to communicate with her, which he did during office hours. He used to leave the phone in his office drawer before coming home, the reason why he was never caught. He said he loved me and didn’t mean to hurt me. He even promised to cut off all ties with the other woman. He begged me for forgiveness. I don’t know if I would be able to get over this but right now I am seeking online counseling from a psychologist who is also a relationship expert. I don’t know whether I should be sad or happy about it.