Question: Hi! I am a 27-year-old woman and my marriage has been fixed with a man chosen by my parents.
He is a very nice person and we often talk over the phone and through our discussions I have come to realise that he has no prior physical experience with anyone. I am a virgin too and have never indulged in any intimate physical relationship with anyone. I have heard a lot about people’s experiences of having sex for the first time.
Some of my friends have told me about their painful experience and according to them having sex for the first time is not at all pleasurable.
However, some have a different tale to tell. I am confused and scared too. And since my fiance too is inexperienced and we aren’t very close yet, I am a little reluctant to discuss these with him.
Could you please tell me if first time sex is a painful experience or not? Also, what precautions should be taken while doing intercourse for the first time? Looking forward to your advice eagerly. —By Anonymous
Response by Dr Kedar Tilwe: “Dear reader, physical intimacy is a shared and personal experience between a couple. So while most people find the experience pleasurable; some can experience mild discomfort. The key to having an enjoyable and satisfying intimate relationship is having a non-judgmental and open-minded discussion with your partner so that both of you can improve together. Your fiancee may actually be welcoming of a chance at such a discussion as he may also be dealing with such doubts. If unsure taking things slow can be helpful.
“There are many methods of ensuring safe sex including barrier methods (eg. using a condom), oral contraceptive pills, etc. I would recommend reaching out to a nearby doctor to find the method best suited for you.”
Dr Kedar Tilwe is a Psychiatrist and Sexologist, Hiranandani Hospital Vashi-A Fortis Network Hospital.