I’ve often been one of those creepy silent lurkers who click on those “I had sex every day for a year!” articles, like the original by the ever-fabulous Brittany Gibbons.
I’ve read them and gawked at them, and basically thought all of those women were 1) attention-hungry 2) crazy, and 3) obviously more brave than I (hello, cramps, and a certain monthly visitor).
When I decided to stop being a lurker and take on a challenge to have sex with my husband for 30 days straight, I learnt a lot more than I thought I would.
1. I’m totally insecure
Holy crap, do I have some major body issues?
Granted, my youngest child is only nine months old and I’m actually still breastfeeding, so maybe I have a little leeway in this department, but I was genuinely shocked by how uncomfortable I was in my own skin trying to get busy with him – Every single day.
I ran away, I hid my stomach, I protested, and I called myself fat — I did anything I could think of to actually not be naked.
It was a real eye-opener to me to realise just how distorted my own body image had become from having kids and to see the very real effect it had on our sex life.
2. Exercising makes me feel sexy
With the realisation that I need to feel comfortable with my body again, I got majorly into exercising last month and discovered that I love working out.
Taking the time to fit in a daily workout inspires me to eat better, take care of myself in other small ways, and it has the added bonus of giving me more energy.
All that in combination with some actual pounds lost equals a sexier me.
3. It’s so important to get in the mood before having sex
I admit that there were a few days when I just didn’t feel like doing anything remotely intimate, but I thought, well, maybe I could just do it and get it over with.
Or, maybe once we get going, it will be great. Truthfully, it never worked for me.
I realised that the lead-up — flirting with my husband, talking, and just being intimate in other ways — is super important to me before any physical intimacy happens.
4. Kids really do mess up your sex life
Say what you want about how parents shouldn’t let kids cramp their style, that it’s possible to have a great and healthy sex life with little people underfoot, and that mums are sexier than ever.
But the truth is, sometimes kids get sick, no one sleeps, the bed is overtaken, and you have no desire for anything but getting a little shut-eye.
No reason to beat yourself up about it. (Let this be the spoiler alert: we failed, OK?)
5. Spontaneity can be fun
That being said, this little experiment also taught me that there is a lot of merit in breaking out of the rut and trying to find more opportunities for each other.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’m going to start sticking sex into my calendar, but I did learn that when you make sex a priority and have fun with it, only good things can happen.