If you’re in a relationship, you’re bound to have some ups and downs, like any average couple, but you can also get the feeling as to whether or not the person you’re with could be a potential life partner, based on similarities and overall compatibility in the relationship.
Unfortunately, sometimes you’re not meant to be with someone for marriage, even if the relationship is fantastic, solely based on a few long-term issues you can predict down the road.
Should I get married? Here are a few warning signs that you’re not meant to put a ring on your finger for the person you’re with, and from there, you can determine how much longer to let the relationship last.
Here are 5 harsh signs he’s not the man you’re meant to marry:
1. You’re not attracted to him anymore
While it’s totally normal to lose some of that initial intense attraction over time if you are going into a marriage but have lost most of that attraction, it’s not a good idea to expect things to get better, David Bennett, a relationship counselor and owner of Double Trust Dating and Relationships, told POPSUGAR. “If anything, common experience is that attraction goes down over time, and not up. Many of my clients have entered into marriages without attraction, thinking it will get better, and the result is frustration from the beginning,” he said.
If you’re losing that physical desire, marriage probably isn’t the best plan of action.
2. Your network hates ’em
In the early stages of a relationship, it’s often an “us against the world” mentality, where it doesn’t really matter if your friends and family don’t totally approve of your relationship, Bennett said. “However, when you get married, things get a lot more serious, and unless you are independently wealthy, you’ll likely need the support of your closest friends and family, especially if you plan on having kids,” he said. Plus, just think of how awkward those family and friend get-togethers will be, too.
3. You’re begging your partner to marry you
It shouldn’t be that hard to have your partner want to marry you. You should be on the same page. “I have known many couples who have gotten married and it was totally driven by one partner, while the other felt dragged along,” he said. “This is a recipe for eventual disaster because that partner’s heart really isn’t in it.”
If you are driving the entire commitment process while your partner just seems to be dragged along (or is even resistant to it), it’s a bad sign for your future marriage.
4. You want to “fix” your partner
If you’re thinking time will allow you to change them, you’re wrong. People are people, and your partner won’t transform into someone else simply by saying “I do.” “Many people get married expecting it will change their partner.
If your partner is a player before marriage, they will be after marriage. If your partner is dramatic and text fights with you all day before marriage, they will be the same after marriage,” he said. Marriage rarely “fixes” anybody, and if you want to get married and have this outcome, don’t get married, he cautioned.
5. You’re more excited for the wedding than a lifetime
If you’re looking for a fairy-tale wedding but not sold on the partner, it’s definitely a red flag. “Marriage is about committing to a person, which includes a lot of sacrifices and obligations (including legal ones).
If you are more into the idea of a big wedding and wedding party with friends than actually marrying the person you’re with, then I suggest just throwing a big party and saving yourself the heartache of an eventual divorce,” Bennett said.