A painful break-up usually cuts through the hearts so deeply. It’s easy to become disillusioned and tell yourself: “I’ll never love again.” I’ve said that to myself a lot of times, but I always find myself loving again, almost immediately or after sometimes.
We are made for love and no matter how shattered we feel, as time goes on, we are able to gather the pieces of what’s left and love again.
Here is a list of things to help you build a better relationship after a painful breakup:
1. Heal completely before the next one
Don’t enter into a new relationship immediately thinking it would help you kill the pain of the breakup. Also, don’t find another partner immediately just to prove to your ex that you are a hot commodity. Give your heart the chance to settle from the painful breakup before you go into another. When you enter a new relationship with the hurts from the past, you are sure going to destroy the new one without knowing. Give yourself a break to heal completely before you date another.
2. Love slowly and carefully
People are not whom they portray themselves to be especially from the initial stages. Everybody presents their best self at first to create a good first impression. Learn to see through their words before you can take them seriously. Don’t fall for them too quickly. Don’t go around seeking self-validation from the people you want to date. Be intentional and open your mind to know them very well before you commit.
3. Don’t compare
Coming from a painful breakup, you might look at the current partner through the filter of the old one. You begin to compare the qualities of both the current partner and your ex. It becomes worrying especially when you see your ex in a better light than your current partner. For instance, your ex dressed better and took you to exotic places than this new one. Even if your ex took you to heaven and back, there is a reason why it didn’t work out. Let their memories fade and give this new one some space to settle. With time, they’ll find their flow and everything will work for you just fine.
4. Don’t assume all men/women are the same
People have different faces. So are their characters. There’s no way two different people will treat you in the same way. Different people react differently to situations. Don’t assume your ex hurt you when you needed love so this new one will end up treating you the same way. Such thoughts cripple your happiness and make you have fears over things that do not exist. Just treat the one you love with respect and give your all to build a better relationship. Good partners will see your effort and appreciate you for who you are.
5. Keep all communication channels open
The most important thing in every relationship is communication. It helps us to carry our messages across while listening and knowing the reasons behind the actions and inactions of our partners. Why assume when you can ask? Why presume when you can have a conversation about it? You don’t have to keep your partner’s mistakes in your head and be angry about them. Talk about it and be sure it has been solved. Most relationships die because partners were failed experts in presumptions.