Over the course of a marriage, people’s behavior can change drastically due to a number of factors. If your wife suddenly seems disconnected, it could be that she’s stressed out, burnt out, or depressed — all of which require a level of open communication to solve.
But her disconnection could also indicate that she’s checked out of the relationship and is looking for a way to leave.
Here are 13 signs your wife is planning on leaving you:
1. She’s stopped arguing or disagreeing with you
Many people believe that arguing more is an indication their partner is preparing to end the relationship. Yet engaging in conflict means she’s still engaged in the relationship. It’s when she stops fighting that you should be worried.
If she’s no longer taking part in tense conversations and is choosing to ignore you, it’s likely a sign she’s given up on making the relationship work.
Marriage and Family Therapist Dr. Heather Browne described a clear sign someone’s checked out of their marriage: “You don’t get mad, sad, or concerned since your partner isn’t important. You feel like nothing really matters now.”
She’s seen that fighting doesn’t make a difference, and she’s decided that she doesn’t care anymore.
2. She saves extra furniture and household goods she’d normally give away
Another sign she plans to leave is that she’s keeping items she usually gives away, like out-of-season clothes or kitchen appliances and utensils. By saving things she wouldn’t usually save, she could be getting ready to leave and is therefore stocking up on household necessities she’ll need once you two no longer share a home.
3. She installed the Zillow app on her phone and scrolls it ‘just for fun’
If your wife is showing a newfound interest in real estate, it could just be an innocent hobby, or it could mean that she’s looking for a new place to live.
Looking at listings might be her way of testing the waters, seeing what’s on the market, and preparing to move out and move on.
4. She’s gathering official copies of essential documents
Another way to know if your wife is planning to leave is slightly more subtle, yet still a cause for concern: She’s collecting important personal documents and keeping them in a safe place.
If she’s hanging onto her birth certificate, car title, passport, and social security card, she’s likely looking to leave you.
5. She removed her personal savings/checking from your family banking app
A major part of marriage is the merging of finances, so if she’s suddenly separating her money from yours, it’s a sign she’s getting ready to go.
It’s also possible that she’s still attached to your joint account, only she’s contributing less. This could be an indication that she’s funneling money into a private savings account, in preparation for the next stage of her life.
6. She sends you social media videos featuring families where two exes are good friends
It’s also possible that she’s hinting at her desire to walk away by sharing very specific kinds of social media posts featuring families where the parents have split up but remain close friends. She might also send content about successful co-parenting, indicating that her mind is focused on what’s coming next.
7. She starts streaming TV shows on her own without asking if you want to watch them together
After putting the kids to bed, you and she usually collapse on the couch to stream the latest baking competition. Only now, she’s streaming shows on her own and not asking if you want to watch them with her.
What used to be a sweet stay-at-home date night, eating ice cream and watching reality TV, has now turned into her watching episodes all by herself. She’s no longer looking at watching TV as a way to reconnect after a long day, but rather as a way to unwind and decompress alone.
8. She has been hanging out with a friend who is divorced
She’s spending more of her free time with her one friend who just got divorced after 15 years of marriage and moved to the next town over. If you ask what they talk about, she glosses over the question because the real answer is that her friend is giving her advice on the process of getting a divorce.
9. She avoids spending time alone with you
Lisa Gelman and Karen Kotansky, divorce attorneys based in Toronto, Canada, shared a glaring red flag that signals a marriage is over: “The disappearing spouse.”
“All of a sudden, they’re off doing other things, not wanting to have a date night, not coming to the extracurricular activities of the kids, like baseball [and] hockey, not wanting to spend any dinners with the family,” the divorce attorney explained.
Gelman added that these avoidant actions are examples of “A diversion from their normal routine,” which could be because she has one foot out the door already.
10. She recently changed passwords on her email and/or phone
You used to share things with each other, but now, she’s changed the passwords for her email and her phone, which only means one thing: She doesn’t want you to know who she’s in contact with.
She might be getting messages from a real estate broker about a great new apartment, or she could be getting flirty texts from a new love interest. Either way, she doesn’t want you to see any of her business.
11. She’s become more frugal with her personal shopping and/or picked up extra work
If you’ve noticed marked changes in her spending habits, it could mean she’s saving money to move out. Building up a nest egg for a new home takes time and a concerted effort to store up funds. She might also be taking extra shifts or working overtime to make extra income.
12. She’s seeing a therapist for the first time
In another TikTok post, divorce attorney Lisa Gelman revealed some of the signs that a wife might be considering divorce, including being secretive, staying out late, and seeing a therapist for the first time.
“If you don’t know why she’s seeing a therapist, maybe then the reason is you,” Gelman concluded.
In general, going to therapy is a sign of a good kind of change: It means that a person is taking care of their mental health, which is always important, even in a successful relationship.
Yet, as Gelman points out if her decision to seek therapy seems to come out of nowhere, or she doesn’t share her reason for starting, it could be that she’s planning to leave and needs extra support.
13. She was sending you videos about how to solve relationship problems, and now she’s not
She used to send you Instagram reels and TikTok posts about how to save a marriage, and now, she’s not sending anything at all.
It’s commonly thought that falling out of love leads to hatred when, in reality, the opposite of love isn’t hate; it’s indifference. If she’s stopped showing you content about fixing a broken relationship, it means she’s lost hope.
YourTango’s Joanna Schroeder shared her perspective in a TikTok, declaring, “Men who do not listen to their wives get left behind.”
According to Schroeder, this includes “Good men, nice men, good dads.”
“What happens is your wives try to tell you something. They say, ‘I’m feeling invisible, I’m feeling unloved, I’m feeling ignored, and their husbands and boyfriends and partners don’t take it seriously,” she continued. “If she’s sending you memes, videos, TikToks about marriage and relationship issues and moms feeling forgotten about or overburdened, you need to listen. The men who do not listen get left behind.”
If your wife is deciding to leave, it might seem sudden, but as coach Val Jones explained, “Women don’t leave unhappy marriages; they leave marriages that have left them exhausted, burnt out, overwhelmed, resentful, burdened.”
“They leave because they are done, and they’ve been trying for years and years, sometimes decades, to make it work.”
If you’re worried that your wife is on the verge of walking away, it’s time to sit down together and have a truly honest conversation where you both open your hearts and speak your truths. Repairing a marriage is never easy, and it’s not always a guarantee, but the only path forward for healing is to start communicating.